Archive for the ‘UFO’ Tag

STICK THESE SOUNDCLOUDS IN YOUR ASS   Leave a comment

It’s the weekend. While we take your mom out for some hot sexing you need some good tunes to distract yourself. You are a lazy fuck. You obviously couldn’t go on soundcloud yourself and start finding shit on your own. That would mean having to turn on your modem, dial up your ISP to connect to the internet and then waiting for 3 hours for one song to download because this is you computer:

Basically your life is terrible. Your mom gets fucked by bloggers and your computer is a phone with internet speeds from 1993. The least we can do is provide you with tunes. GO GRAB THAT SHIT AFTER THE JUMP!

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NEW YEAR/NEW BASS   Leave a comment

Don’t know what the fuck that picture is supposed to be. Like is it the Moon hitting the Earth or is it like Uranus? Is that how it ends? We are hit by Uranus? Your anus? Fuck. Or maybe nothing will happen. Maybe you will still have to work at your dead end job for the next 20 years. Maybe there will be no end. You will still be single in 2012. Did you ever imagine that there would be an apocalypse and society would crumble and that you wouldn’t have to go to fucking work and maybe you would join some rebel group and be a hero/finally step up your game? It might never happen. You may not become some kind of post-apocalyptic fuckmaster/hero.

In the meantime why don’t we go out and grab some fucking bass music and remember the peeps we lost in 2011. LET’S GO FUCKING DO THIS SHIT AFTER THE JUMP!

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GET PICKSTER’S THE RISE OF MOOMBAHTON   1 comment

Pop quiz hotshot! The Pickster comp “The Rise Of Moombahton: Today We Were Kings” comes at your fucking face at 60 miles per hour. What do you do? Boom! Trick question. It’s music. You put it onto your computer and you dj that shit til your hands, ears and eyes bleed. This comp will not wash your fucking car and finger your girlfriend while you watch CSI: Miami. No. But it’s gonna donkey punch your senses and give your brain a dirty sanchez. Who the fuck is on this? Pickster? Melo? Sluggo? Ledoom? Mendez? ETC!ETC! Chong X? Jon Kwest? Jay Fay? Skinny Friedman? Jake Twell? Jamrock? Javier Estrada? UFO!? Apt One? Bro Safari? Other dudes we don’t know? You would be ok with just one of these dudes on some shit but now you got them all in one place and it becomes fucking explosive. So do what you have to do. Take the fucking Nestea™ plunge into this shit. You’ll be covered in ice tea but you’ll be loving your fucking life. GRAB THE COMP AND STREAM THE FUCK OUT OF IT AFTER THE JUMP FUCK FACES!

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OPERATION BUY THIS: BRO SAFARI & UFO! – FUTURE PRIMITIVE   Leave a comment

Do you like awesome moombahcore and moombahton? Then buy this fucking album. The only thing it will cost you is money and your composure because you will fucking lose it. This is tank driving music. El Cuco Recordings brings out the heavy artillery. Bro Safari and UFO! used fucking bazookas and rocket launchers to make this shit. Link to buy this and the preview mix ARE AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

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THE SOUNDCLOUDS YOU WROTE ABOUT IN YOUR DIARY   1 comment

Hey little baby, you gonna cry and write about your period in your diary? You gonna go in front of the mirror and tell yourself that you got a big dick or if you’re a girl that you have big fucking vagina? Is that something that girls care about? Who has the biggest vagina? Is that like some kind of secret sisterhood hierarchy? No? Have you guessed we’re all dudes by how misogynistic we are? Yes? What about applying your powers of deduction to deducing why these tracks are so hot. Which fucking tracks? THE ONES AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP FUCKERS!

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SOUNDCLOUDS CAME ON YOUR FACE   Leave a comment

Hey. How the fuck are all of you? That picture up there is of The Uproot Andy from the SLOWED party in Toronto last Saturday. Starting tomorrow we will be djing 3 nights in a fucking row. We’re gonna spin way better than that guy and by that we mean 50% as good because he murdered it. He’s really fucking good. Kudos again to The Torro Torros and Le Dew Its for promising him a happy ending massage to get him to play in this town. If you want succeed in fucking show business YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT YOUR ALL! But rub and tugs aside, what with the whole UK moombahton spectacular and all that we’ve passed over a lot of good ass music that maybe you will like or maybe hate but whatever if you’re here you might as well listen because you’re a guest and it would be impolite so go listen to that shit AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

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SUPER FUCKING SOUNDCLOUD TUESDAY?   Leave a comment

Yo! Super cool time fuckers. This is Ibiza. This is life. Feel the music. I’m Dj Tiesto. Dj stands for “disc jockey”. Did you know that? It’s a a fucking rave. This is Ibiza. Feel the life. It’s a Tuesday. People are fucking connecting. They have MDMA sex. The next day they are like “What did I fuck?” That’s so Ibiza. That’s so Tiesto. My music is like crying into a pool of dreams. When people shit in Ibiza, they shit love. Literally fucking hearts come out of their assholes. It looks like Valentine’s Day all over the beach. I’m over here now:

The worst thing about the daytime is that you can’t use glow sticks. What could annoying people make use of to give light shows? Dark sticks? Like they would fucking make shit darker around them and it would be called a dark show and also sound mildly racist? All this thinking is killing the fucking vibe. That’s not what Ibiza is about. The only thing you worry about here is herpes and where you get the next line of blow. And over here you always do blow off of girls tits. It’s the law. Here are some tunes to stick up your mom’s vagina. Use them wisely. Feel the fucking energy of the dance. Become Ibiza. TUNES ARE AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

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