Archive for the ‘drake’ Tag

WINTER BASS   Leave a comment

Who the fuck is rocking a Walmer sticker now. Is it 2Deep? It is! Crazy! Have checked out any 2Deep tunes yet? Go fucking do it! Here is the soundcloud. You like good music right? So then you like 2Deep. You can’t like one and not the other. IT IS SCIENTIFICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. Do the research. Anyway we gotta go and have sex with your mom’s so while we do that why don’t you go check out some hot ass bass. GO GRAB THOSE FUCKING TUNES AFTER THE JUMP!

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RICH FOREVER   Leave a comment



MOOMBAHRAPE   1 comment

With this new onslaught of moombah, there is no other option except to pick up the pieces, gather up your belongings and make a new fucking life for yourself on the other side of the world. The worst part is, that you could never escape the pain. Moombahton started being played in that new place that you moved to. Your friends would be like “Let’s fucking go out and get drunk and do blow and shit.” You went out and they started playing fucking moombahton at the club. Instead of doing the blow the right way you would breath it out because you were all scared and shit. Your friends got fucking pissed. They punched your face. You lost teeth. Your dental bills increased. You became homeless. That was your life. You got raped. WHY DON’T WE GO LISTEN TO A SHITLOAD OF MOOMBAHTON AFTER THE JUMP!

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You all want to be cool. All of you fuckers. Admit it. Even if you say you don’t care about being cool it’s just so that you can look cool. You can’t escape. So if that’s your fucking goal than why don’t we watch this video from Malcolm Jamal Warner of TV’s the Cosby Show. You will definitely be fucking cool if you do these things. Especially if you are an adult.

Alright now we’re totally fucking ready to take on the world!

But now that you have this new swag, you need some good tunes to go with it. GO GRAB THOSE FUCKING TUNES AFTER THE JUMP FUCKERS!

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Do you want moombahton? There is no moombahton in this post. You came to the wrong place. Turn around. Go back to where ever you came from. We can’t post moombahton all the time everyday. No. You gotta break the addiction. Walmer Convenience is not some kind of “moombah-only” blog. We have fucking horizons. We have dreams. Don’t put us in some kind of moombahton box. Boom! That’s all we fucking feel like writing so go fuck yourselves looking for laughs and shit. GO GRAB ALL NON-MOOMBAHTON SHIT AFTER THE JUMP!:

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Hey! Assholes! What’s up! You know what these moombahton tracks are gonna do to you? Gonna bite your fucking ear off is what. Gonna have a fucking piece of your ear missing. That will be your life. You can either deal with it or cry like a baby. An ear-less baby. Nobody wants an ear-less baby. Those get returned to the vagina in exchange for another baby. Because that how pregnancy works. Either that or a fucking bird brings your baby. Bird shit baby. Anyway. Enough about birds and babies. Let’s listen to some moombahton AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!:

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Pop quiz hotshot! The Pickster comp “The Rise Of Moombahton: Today We Were Kings” comes at your fucking face at 60 miles per hour. What do you do? Boom! Trick question. It’s music. You put it onto your computer and you dj that shit til your hands, ears and eyes bleed. This comp will not wash your fucking car and finger your girlfriend while you watch CSI: Miami. No. But it’s gonna donkey punch your senses and give your brain a dirty sanchez. Who the fuck is on this? Pickster? Melo? Sluggo? Ledoom? Mendez? ETC!ETC! Chong X? Jon Kwest? Jay Fay? Skinny Friedman? Jake Twell? Jamrock? Javier Estrada? UFO!? Apt One? Bro Safari? Other dudes we don’t know? You would be ok with just one of these dudes on some shit but now you got them all in one place and it becomes fucking explosive. So do what you have to do. Take the fucking Nestea™ plunge into this shit. You’ll be covered in ice tea but you’ll be loving your fucking life. GRAB THE COMP AND STREAM THE FUCK OUT OF IT AFTER THE JUMP FUCK FACES!

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MIXTAPE ORGY   Leave a comment

Hey ass fuckers! We got two fucking mixtapes to tell you about today. The first one is by David “We Were Away When He Came To Toronto” Heartbreak. It’s a collection of remixes by Toronto creep masters The Weeknd. Shit’s hot like shit that just came out of an asshole. Fresh like that too. And it’s not all moombahton. IS MOOMBAH OVER? IS NU-JUKE THE BIG NEW FUCKING THING? You be the judge! Taste and download the new Heartbreak/The Weeknd EP and grab the new DJ MADD OD Kingdom EP too because you never fucking doubted you liked moombahton, you just discovered it last week and you love it sooooooooooooooo much. GO GET THOSE MIXTAPES AFTER THE JUMP FUCKERS! THE WORLD ENDS IN 2012!

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Who the fuck are these dudes? They are The Tribe Called Red. We went to the fucking Drake in Toronto last night and they were playing all this crazy shit like moombahton and rap music and dubstep and bass and then we got so fucking drunk and now we feel like puking at work. Caballo was there with his strong opinions. Dos Mundos fuckers were there. We missed The Torro Torros’ set. We will say they killed it. Slowed fuckers did it again. The Tribe Called Reds are good dudes. They dj like assholes and by assholes we mean geniuses. Shit was messy there. We are messy now. Literally. The Dirty Frenchman didn’t shower before work. He smells like booze and his coworkers probably smell the booze and are pretending they don’t but at the same time judging him. Let’s just listen to music. GRAB IT AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP:

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SOUNDCUNTS   Leave a comment

Hey bros! How many guitars do you need for your band? You don’t have enough. We can only count six. What kind of music do you fuckin’ make? Acoustic horsestep? That’s pretty slammin’. Those are fucking crazy horsestep costumes. Is that the new trend in clothing that identifies one as a genuine horsetepper who just fucking horsesteps all over the place and plays guitar until you puke? Wow, music is always changing so rapidly it’s hard to keep up. What are the soundclouds that you guys would recommend to the aspiring horsestepping kids out there? These ones? The one that are AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP? Cool bros.

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