Spread our madness:

It’s the weekend. While we take your mom out for some hot sexing you need some good tunes to distract yourself. You are a lazy fuck. You obviously couldn’t go on soundcloud yourself and start finding shit on your own. That would mean having to turn on your modem, dial up your ISP to connect to the internet and then waiting for 3 hours for one song to download because this is you computer:

Basically your life is terrible. Your mom gets fucked by bloggers and your computer is a phone with internet speeds from 1993. The least we can do is provide you with tunes. GO GRAB THAT SHIT AFTER THE JUMP!

Spread our madness:

Hey fucks! Been some fucking time that we just wanted to post these things but we just couldn’t because there is so little time in the world and your mom is so needy and she fucking calls us day and night and wants to talk about her girl problems an meanwhile we just want to blog but if we tell her that we need to go then she makes us feel guilty. Your mom just needs to chill the fuck out. Anyway. Now that we have some time get ready for 3 great releases from SPF 5000, Rot10 Musik and A Tribe Called Red. 2 are free and then you gotta pay for one of them. F.Y.I. the internet does not accept payment through a sock full of fuckin dimes. LET’S GET DOWN TO IT AFTER THE JUMP!

Spread our madness:

Hey hey! My name is Afrojacks. I invented moombahton. Fuck all of y’all. I don’t drink milk. I pour Crystal™ on my fucking cereal. I eat fucking Caviar Pops. They’re like Corn Pops but they taste like fucking fish and cost $2000 per box. That’s my life. That’s Afrojack. I’m working on a track with Justin Bieber. I fucked Lady Gaga. That was so weird. There were ostriches in the same room when it happened. One of them licked my right testicle. It’s tongue was rough. I still see it’s face when I close my eyes.

Have you met my friends yet? Bill.i.am is the fucking black dude from Blast Iced Fleas and there’s Dave Gettus and that guy from Florida who I don’t remember his name. Here’s some tracks AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

Spread our madness:

My name is Coolio. I have a lesson to teach you today. Don’t be like me. If you are asking yourself  “What should I do next?” then just do the opposite of what I did. Like don’t make the song Gangster’s Paradise. Don’t get caught with crack. Don’t ever have a photo like this taken of yourself. In fact, to be real with you, this fucking photo tells my whole story right here. I look like someone who needs to get punched in the face. I look goofy. I look like Weird Al could be doing the same pose. No one from rap should ever appear in a way that Weird Al could. I’ve got six kids from four moms. Christmas fucking sucks. I made an album in 2003 called “Coolio.com”. What was I thinking? That is the worst name ever. It’s like a joke name. Except it’s real. I fucking chose that name. I’m fucking Coolio.

I’m fucking Coolio

Coolio is who I am.

“Coolio.com”

I’m Ghostdad

GRAB SOME FUCKING TUNES AFTER THE JUMP!

Spread our madness:

Hey cuntfucks! What up? What if today there were no soundclouds? Who the fuck wants them anyway. Look at this picture! These clouds are clearly ruining people’s vibes on their vacations. They’re just trying to get some tans and surf and the clouds are just trying to rain on them. Fuck the clouds. Now the Super Soundcloud Wednesday of Fuck made sense. We did it guys! We showed the world. This is probably the most important thing we will ever achieve and when we say “we” we are including you obviously since there is not much for you to aspire to in life. MUSIC IS AFTER THE JUMP!

Spread our madness:

Duck Sauce – Barbara Streisand (Emynd Remix) (mediafire)

Yo idiots! Check it! Emynd made some moombahton. Everyone is making moombahton. Even Diplo featured moombahton (and in particular Munchi) on his blog. Sorry Diplo. Too late. We broke the news first. You are behind on the times. Go to jail. Do not collect $200 for jumping on another genre and using your clout to do some crazy shit with it. Walmer will be kings of moombahton. You will see. You can hear us spin it at this thing:

Facebook it bitches!

Spread our madness:

Garçons – French Disco Boys Edit (zshare)

Here is another song from The Dirty Frenchman’s secret disco collection. As was said once before, there was a period where The Dirty Frenchman would only listen to old music. Even though right now The Dirty Frenchman only plays songs for puking an daggerin’, he probably knows more about disco than most people who play and say they like disco. That’s just the way it is. Sorry disco playing and liking people. There is always country music for you to latch onto. The Dirty Frenchman doesn’t care about country music. But anyway, this song should be played by the French space program for when they shoot people into space. Like played on the rocket ship’s stereo system. It’s about 5 minutes long which we imagine to be about the drive from Earth to space at rocket ship speed give or take a few minutes. Or it should be played when space ships do this:

or this:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

and because it’s your lucky day:

Dr Who Theme (Original) (zshare)

Spread our madness:

My Mine

My Mine – Hypnotic Tango (zshare)

Why is it that we feel the need to post old italo disco songs from the 1980’s among the selection of other music that appears on this site? When you think of it, they really have nothing to do with dancehall, electro, hip hop, etc. The interest in putting them up here is that though, as far as attitude is concerned, they seem worlds apart, they are linked as being at two different points along the line of history that leads from disco to the mosaic of different dance music forms that are popular today. Yes, we believe things started with disco. Fuck off. This song is actually pretty awesome. It’s all about the intro. That intro is awesome as fuck and should be sampled by someone if it hasn’t been already. Hey you! Yeah, get on that! Here is the video. Once again, everyone looks like a fucking douche. Germans.

Spread our madness:

NEW SHIT!

Hey fuckers and fuckettes we got a brand new section we’re gonna throw at you! In the spirit of our ever growing empire in the Toronto music scene we’re proud to present to you: WHAT WALMER DUN DID! This will be a section recapping what the great minds of Walmer Convenience experienced over the weekend. If we saw a dj we’ll talk about it. If we went to a club you’ll here about that too. If it was awesome you’ll know it was. If it sucked ass then you know we ain’t gonna be pulling any punches. Suck ass djs fi get knocked the fuck out!

So, with that in mind, let us begin. This weekend was pretty slow. The Dirty Frenchman was spotted at Rolly’s Garage for the event FEVER!. This was a disco party and they sure as hell brought out the disco. The Dirty Frenchman could be seen appreciating the selection and was busting moves of a sort, but he could be seen noticeably cringing during certain mixes. This cringing was most frequent while the first dj of the night was playing. Apparently the purveyors of tunage for that evening were AK Computer and Lou Calabro. Since The Dirty Frenchman did not know who was who, it is not certain which of the djs graduated from Bad Mix University, therefore both will be held in suspicion. There are many djs that can mix disco, it is possible, you can do it.

Sources confirmed that The Dirty Frenchman later met up with Sto at an after hours at a location that we will not name since that would make us assholes who ruin fun for everybody. Needless to say it is a frequent lacation for after hours partying. Once again though, the djing was bad. Is mixing a lost art? If you dj and you cannot put two songs together in a way that does not sound like Transformers 2 then you might consider just bringing an iPod and making a playlist of songs you want to hear because the iPod is better than you are at mixing. Or you can put on Transformers 2. That shitty movie is better than you at mixing.