Archive for the ‘gobs the zombie’ Tag

MASSIVE MOOMBAH POST ON THE FUCKING MONDAY   Leave a comment

Look at these fuckers rockin out with a motherfuckin Walmer sticker on their shit. Who the fuck is it you ask? Well it’s fucking 2Deep again! This time it’s at a party though so it looks more impressive. They were probably playing moombahton at this moment. Which is good because we are gonna do a motherfucking moombahton mega-post up in this bitch right now. It’s been a long ass time. We went all #seapunk and fucking had exclusives from people in Arizona all last week. Well now we just gonna bombard you with tunes until you cry. You can dance and cry. That will be how you have a case of the Mondays. Anyway, let’s get to the fucking music. GO GRAB THAT SHIT AFTER THE JUMP!

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SOUNDCLOUDS MADE FROM PEE   Leave a comment

Chris Tucker woke up in his apartment in the not great part of town. It was 1pm. That’s the time he woke up everyday. He hadn’t worked for 2 years so he never had to get up early unless it was to get his welfare cheque. Chris Tucker collected welfare now. Even though he always got more than enough sleep because of the fact that nothing was going on in his life, he still enjoyed having a cup of coffee as a pick me up to start his day. It just made it feel complete. It made him feel complete if only for a few minutes. As the coffee brewed he looked at the fading picture of him and Jackie Chan that he had stuck on his old refrigerator.

Those had been better times. He remembered all the bitches he had fucked as a tag team with Jackie. They had done it to build up their partnership so that audiences would love their chemistry. He remembered all the blow that they had done together in the trailer off of breasts in between takes. Jackie liked to do lines of blow between girl’s assholes and pussies. He called it “Getting from Point A to Point P” except when he said it it was in Chinese and shit. Chris Tucker stood there for 10 more minutes looking at the picture,  revisiting all the highs and lows he had had in his former career as an actor. The coffee maker made a beep and brought Chris Tucker back to reality. He poured the warm liquid into his favourite mug and took a quick gulp. As the coffee hit his taste buds it was all wrong, it had a very sharp taste almost like vinegar but salty and it stung his tongue. He pulled the mug away from his face and looked inside and made a startling discovery. It was not coffee at all in his mug. It was pee. Chris Tucker had just drank pee. Floating in the pee were soundclouds. GO GRAB THOSE SOUNDCLOUDS AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP TO KNOW WHAT CHRIS TUCKER EXPERIENCED!:

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NO MOOMBAHTON MONDAYS   Leave a comment

As is not the tradition on Mondays, we are gonna do an all non-moombahton post because we don’t want fuckers to think we’re some kind of all moombahton blog and just send us moombahton and nothing else because that would be sad and then we would only have that in our lives and die probably from fucking moombah overdose. IT WOULD ALL BE YOUR FAULT! You would probably go to jail and become someone’s bitch and have penis in your mouth all day long. IS THAT THE FUTURE YOU WANT? Let’s go and listen to non-moombaton AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP FUCKERS!

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SOUNDCLOUDS CAME ON YOUR FACE   Leave a comment

Hey. How the fuck are all of you? That picture up there is of The Uproot Andy from the SLOWED party in Toronto last Saturday. Starting tomorrow we will be djing 3 nights in a fucking row. We’re gonna spin way better than that guy and by that we mean 50% as good because he murdered it. He’s really fucking good. Kudos again to The Torro Torros and Le Dew Its for promising him a happy ending massage to get him to play in this town. If you want succeed in fucking show business YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT YOUR ALL! But rub and tugs aside, what with the whole UK moombahton spectacular and all that we’ve passed over a lot of good ass music that maybe you will like or maybe hate but whatever if you’re here you might as well listen because you’re a guest and it would be impolite so go listen to that shit AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

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MUSIC SHIT! ALSO IT’S FUCKING CANADA DAY   Leave a comment

My name is Coolio. I have a lesson to teach you today. Don’t be like me. If you are asking yourself  “What should I do next?” then just do the opposite of what I did. Like don’t make the song Gangster’s Paradise. Don’t get caught with crack. Don’t ever have a photo like this taken of yourself. In fact, to be real with you, this fucking photo tells my whole story right here. I look like someone who needs to get punched in the face. I look goofy. I look like Weird Al could be doing the same pose. No one from rap should ever appear in a way that Weird Al could. I’ve got six kids from four moms. Christmas fucking sucks. I made an album in 2003 called “Coolio.com”. What was I thinking? That is the worst name ever. It’s like a joke name. Except it’s real. I fucking chose that name. I’m fucking Coolio.

I’m fucking Coolio

Coolio is who I am.

“Coolio.com”

I’m Ghostdad

GRAB SOME FUCKING TUNES AFTER THE JUMP!

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FUCKING MONDAYS   Leave a comment

Mondays are the fucking worst. Ask Garfield:

It’s true, I fucking hate that shit. Wanna smoke some crack girl?

See. It’s a fact. Science. There is only one cure for the Mondays, nay two: cocaine and music. Maybe you work in a cocaine factory and therefore you have one of those taken care of. It’s really cool that they let you go on music blogs in the cocaine factory. You have some pretty awesome bosses! Also if the movies are correct then you are also a naked chick (America’s #1 Workplace). Maybe you are not in a cocaine factory though and therefore you will have to settle for tunes. GRAB THEM AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP FUCKERS!

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