Archive for the ‘tribal’ Tag

CRAZY TORONTO NIGHTS   Leave a comment

These are the Buraka Som Sistemas. They fucked the hell outta shit in Toronto on Friday. Big ups to Diggy Scott at Underdog for hooking us the fuck up. We were right in the shit as you can see. Met and re-met some great dudes:

Sto looks like he spilt beer all over himself. He’s here with Conductor from Buraka. When Buraka was on it was so poopin off that people couldn’t fucking deal. Place was packed tighter than a newborn’s vagina. Yeah. We’re disgusting.

Fucking Bear Witness from fucking A Tribe Called Red with the disgusting ass Dirty Frenchman. Damn straight those motherfuckers were playing that night too and they had already got the place going so crazy it was hard to believe that anyone could follow. Only Buraka could pull it off. Enough bullshit though. It was a great show. LET’S GET SOME NEW MUSIC AFTER THE JUMP!

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Chris Tucker woke up in his apartment in the not great part of town. It was 1pm. That’s the time he woke up everyday. He hadn’t worked for 2 years so he never had to get up early unless it was to get his welfare cheque. Chris Tucker collected welfare now. Even though he always got more than enough sleep because of the fact that nothing was going on in his life, he still enjoyed having a cup of coffee as a pick me up to start his day. It just made it feel complete. It made him feel complete if only for a few minutes. As the coffee brewed he looked at the fading picture of him and Jackie Chan that he had stuck on his old refrigerator.

Those had been better times. He remembered all the bitches he had fucked as a tag team with Jackie. They had done it to build up their partnership so that audiences would love their chemistry. He remembered all the blow that they had done together in the trailer off of breasts in between takes. Jackie liked to do lines of blow between girl’s assholes and pussies. He called it “Getting from Point A to Point P” except when he said it it was in Chinese and shit. Chris Tucker stood there for 10 more minutes looking at the picture,  revisiting all the highs and lows he had had in his former career as an actor. The coffee maker made a beep and brought Chris Tucker back to reality. He poured the warm liquid into his favourite mug and took a quick gulp. As the coffee hit his taste buds it was all wrong, it had a very sharp taste almost like vinegar but salty and it stung his tongue. He pulled the mug away from his face and looked inside and made a startling discovery. It was not coffee at all in his mug. It was pee. Chris Tucker had just drank pee. Floating in the pee were soundclouds. GO GRAB THOSE SOUNDCLOUDS AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP TO KNOW WHAT CHRIS TUCKER EXPERIENCED!:

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In the heart of China is an ancient mountain temple which was the origin of all soundclouds. Monks use to make them using sticks and cow uterus. Now the monks make that shit out of plastic bags and old computer parts and then send them to America. That’s how it fucking works. Read a book. Sometimes they send good soundclouds to us. Let’s take a look at that shit AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

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Posted November 4, 2011 by walmerconvenience in Uncategorized

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You know what the fuck is good? This fucking EP is good. Do you like bass? Yes? Then you have to download this shit. There is no maybe. Do you like maybe? If you asked us a question, would you want us to reply “maybe”? No you wouldn’t. There are some great master bass crafters here. Who? Well there is the winner of our last who is best competition Go Buck! (who probably cheated). There is Nader, Stlkrfxxx/David Beltran (formerly of the Starfoxxxes), Flubba and then these other dudes who we don’t know like Kid Quest and Stupidrichkidz. Why all the kids? Anyway, go grab the whole thing because it’s free like the air you breath AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

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She got fucked. She had it in her uterus for 9 months. It came out. It was a soundcloud. She was shocked. This was not a baby. It was beats. You can’t breastfeed a beat. What was she going to do with all that milk? It was a big case of the mondays. Your brother is a beat. It goes to family reunions. It’s so fucking loud. You hate Christmas now. The beat made it to college and you didn’t. You are jealous. Jealous of a soundcloud. Your life sucks. Listen to soundclouds. AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

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4 SONGS AND A FUNERAL   Leave a comment

Remember in the early 90’s Andie McDowell was in like every movie and Bill Murray fucked her and Hugh Grant and other fuckers like maybe Gerard Depardieu. Or maybe you were not born yet and in that case you scare us and we are old. On the bright side you would be able to relate because she dressed like all the fucking chicks do now. So really nothing has changed. Today is the 1990’s and the 1990’s were the 2010’s. Pogs are still cool too right? Always cool. Never go out of style. How about we listen to some music after the fucking jump that is varied and not just of one style. Click that fucking link assholes. Do it. Pussies.

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Hey kids. Wassup? Phillip Seymour Hoffman here. Relax ladies, I’m taken. I wanna take a moment to talk to you about respect. That’s right. I understand it’s tough to be a teen nowadays. Hell, I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks and I’ve seen and, yes, done a lot of shit in my day. Just like you I’ve had to mix paint chips with chocolate milk to make mouth wash. Just like you I had to sell my sister for toilet paper again and again. No one gave me any breaks. We never had chocolate eggs during Easter. No, we had to eat real eggs. And not in the way you think. When the Easter bunny would bring us eggs it would be our parents taking the eggs out of the ovaries of an actual bunny. I know the same thing happens to you kids all the time. Life is hard. Here’s some cool tunes for you guys to listen to. To help you forget the hardship. AFTER THE JUMP!

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