Archive for the ‘leftside’ Tag

PENETRATION THURSDAYS   Leave a comment

BAM! Walmer is inside you now fuckers! How you like that? No vaseline. Ever. That’s the way we blog shit. Inside you. “This is Walmer reporting live from your vagina. The forecast is for wet weather.” Alright. Thanks. we’ll just keep on doing a bang up job. No fucking music commentary here. No “blah blah, really has been making a mark on the scene lately, blah blah”. No. We don’t do that. That is boring as fuck. Not to say that there are many blogs that are good that do that. But a lot are shit. We shit on them. Shit on shit. Just get fucking annoyed at the complete fucking lack of originality. “Here’s my blog! I have some cool looking pictures and gifs and then I say that this person is really making a mark or is up and coming”. Lick our blog balls. Whatever. GRAB A SHITLOAD OF TUNES AFTER THE JUMP!

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THE RAIN OF SOUNDCLOUDS AND PUSSY   Leave a comment

Sometimes you have to listen to soundclouds and sometimes you have to pee. That is the choice of life. You can listen to soundclouds with pants that have been warmed and moistened by urine or you can make you way to the bathroom. There is no compromise. Life is a struggle. Have any of you ever been at job and tried like fuck to get ahead and then promised that you would and then they tell you that you were promoted but it’s a fake promotion where you just get a title and then you have to do the same job? That’s what the fuck happened to The Dirty Frenchman just 15 minutes ago. The true definition of bloodclaat bullshit. Let’s all pee our pants and enjoy some music AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP PUSSIES!

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SOUNDCLOUDS CAME ON YOUR FACE   Leave a comment

Hey. How the fuck are all of you? That picture up there is of The Uproot Andy from the SLOWED party in Toronto last Saturday. Starting tomorrow we will be djing 3 nights in a fucking row. We’re gonna spin way better than that guy and by that we mean 50% as good because he murdered it. He’s really fucking good. Kudos again to The Torro Torros and Le Dew Its for promising him a happy ending massage to get him to play in this town. If you want succeed in fucking show business YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT YOUR ALL! But rub and tugs aside, what with the whole UK moombahton spectacular and all that we’ve passed over a lot of good ass music that maybe you will like or maybe hate but whatever if you’re here you might as well listen because you’re a guest and it would be impolite so go listen to that shit AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

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SOUNDCLOUDS FROM GOD   Leave a comment

Yeah. Another fucking post assholes. What do you want? We were away. We have to make up for lost time. Would you rather we not post music and post the trailer for the smash hit Rob Schneider and Jean Claude Van Damme classic Knockoff?

There! Are you happy? Is that better? GO GRAB THOSE TUNES AFTER THE JUMP ASSEATERS!

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FUCKING MONDAYS   Leave a comment

Mondays are the fucking worst. Ask Garfield:

It’s true, I fucking hate that shit. Wanna smoke some crack girl?

See. It’s a fact. Science. There is only one cure for the Mondays, nay two: cocaine and music. Maybe you work in a cocaine factory and therefore you have one of those taken care of. It’s really cool that they let you go on music blogs in the cocaine factory. You have some pretty awesome bosses! Also if the movies are correct then you are also a naked chick (America’s #1 Workplace). Maybe you are not in a cocaine factory though and therefore you will have to settle for tunes. GRAB THEM AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP FUCKERS!

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JUST WATCH THIS EVEN IF IT’S OLD   Leave a comment

SOUNDCLOUDS FROM THE STREETS OF FUCK CITY!   3 comments

When was the last time you shit your pants? 10 years ago? 15 years ago? 1 year ago? If you answered yes to the last one then you have a problem. You are either a baby, a homeless person or a human vegetable. If that is the case we ask: How did you manage to go on the internet, find this blog and be able to read it? You should not be able to do that. Science just won’t fucking allow it. Stop disrespecting science and get yourself a fucking job and a sense of respect.

Anyway maybe one of you will shit your pants tomorrow. Whoever shits their pants next and can prove it to us wins a full writeup on the Walmer Blog. You could get a write up as a dj or music producer or maybe as a janitor or as a person that stands on a bridge over the freeway yelling at cars. You could be a star. Music is after THE FUCKING JUMP…

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