Archive for the ‘gianni marino’ Tag

GO PAY FOR THE DOOZE JACKERS’ WHY WE FWEE EP NOW   Leave a comment

Just go buy this EP. Why are you being a douchebag and not buying it? Do you not enjoy spinning good tunes when you dj or listening to good tunes? If this shit had come out in 2003 and was made by Nelly, P. Diddy and Murphy Lee they would have called this Shake Ya Tailfeather but no, it was made in 2012 by The Dooze Jackers with remixes by Toronto’s The Torro Torros and those phenoms you know as Long Jawns & Billy The Gent and Gianni Marino. That’s why the called it Why We Fwee and now you gonna sample and buy that shit AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP ASSRAPISTS!

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STICK THESE SOUNDCLOUDS IN YOUR ASS   Leave a comment

It’s the weekend. While we take your mom out for some hot sexing you need some good tunes to distract yourself. You are a lazy fuck. You obviously couldn’t go on soundcloud yourself and start finding shit on your own. That would mean having to turn on your modem, dial up your ISP to connect to the internet and then waiting for 3 hours for one song to download because this is you computer:

Basically your life is terrible. Your mom gets fucked by bloggers and your computer is a phone with internet speeds from 1993. The least we can do is provide you with tunes. GO GRAB THAT SHIT AFTER THE JUMP!

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MOOMBAHTON IS WHAT YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO ON WEDNESDAYS   Leave a comment

Who is this now repping Walmer? It’s motherfucking Jake Twell. Heard of him? He makes fucking great bass music in jolly old England using crumpets and driving a lorry whatever other weird words they use over there. Check out his soundcloud. Everyone should heve Walmer stickers on their computers, vaginas, asses, basically all the best places. Have Walmer stickers on their babies. It’s a no-brainer. Big things coming up too. A little bird might be telling people that we are gonna be a SXSW. Maybe a party is being organized. Maybe it will be a moombahton party. Maybe with Moomba+. Who knows? Anyway why don’t we get in the fucking mood with some fucking moombahton right now? LET’S DO THAT ASSHOLES AFTER THE JUMP!

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SOUNDCLOUDS CAME ON YOUR FACE   Leave a comment

Hey. How the fuck are all of you? That picture up there is of The Uproot Andy from the SLOWED party in Toronto last Saturday. Starting tomorrow we will be djing 3 nights in a fucking row. We’re gonna spin way better than that guy and by that we mean 50% as good because he murdered it. He’s really fucking good. Kudos again to The Torro Torros and Le Dew Its for promising him a happy ending massage to get him to play in this town. If you want succeed in fucking show business YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT YOUR ALL! But rub and tugs aside, what with the whole UK moombahton spectacular and all that we’ve passed over a lot of good ass music that maybe you will like or maybe hate but whatever if you’re here you might as well listen because you’re a guest and it would be impolite so go listen to that shit AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

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SOUNDCLOUDS OF WRATH   Leave a comment

Hey hey! My name is Afrojacks. I invented moombahton. Fuck all of y’all. I don’t drink milk. I pour Crystal™ on my fucking cereal. I eat fucking Caviar Pops. They’re like Corn Pops but they taste like fucking fish and cost $2000 per box. That’s my life. That’s Afrojack. I’m working on a track with Justin Bieber. I fucked Lady Gaga. That was so weird. There were ostriches in the same room when it happened. One of them licked my right testicle. It’s tongue was rough. I still see it’s face when I close my eyes.

Have you met my friends yet? Bill.i.am is the fucking black dude from Blast Iced Fleas and there’s Dave Gettus and that guy from Florida who I don’t remember his name. Here’s some tracks AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

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SOUNCLOUDS THAT MADE YOUR MOM BLUSH   Leave a comment

Hey there cunt mouths! How are you today? Who is that in the picture? Why it’s the Schlachthofbronxes. What are they doing? Murdering Toronto. We saw those fuckers last weekend and got to chat with them for some time and they were classy dudes. If you have a chance to meet them or to rock out with your cock out to their music then you are advised to do so. Good to the Plugged Not Thuggeds for having them come. What else can we talk about today? Your mom? The soundclouds? How about both AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!…

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THE ISLAND OF SOUNDS AND CLOUDS AND FUCKS   3 comments

There is an island in Cambodia where your mom goes to touch herself and think of Muammar Qaddafi naked holding an umbrella. She likes to listen to sounclouds of music while she does it. This is her story (AFTER THE JUMP):

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