Archive for the ‘bert on beats’ Tag

A FEW FUCKING TRACKS FOR THE WEEKEND   Leave a comment

ImageLook at these fucks! Pickster and Brent “Fuckmaster” Tactic going back2back like motherfuckers in motherfucking Austin, Texas. These guys are soundboy murderers. These fucks play the fucking moombahton mainly but we don’t give a fuck. We are gonna put a picture of them on a non-moombahton post. That’s just the way we fucking are. Slide of hand motherfuckers. Magic motherfuckers. Ain’t no thang. Alright. Enough bullshit. Here’s some fucking music. GO GRAB THAT SHIT AFTER THE JUMP!

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NEW YEAR/NEW BASS   Leave a comment

Don’t know what the fuck that picture is supposed to be. Like is it the Moon hitting the Earth or is it like Uranus? Is that how it ends? We are hit by Uranus? Your anus? Fuck. Or maybe nothing will happen. Maybe you will still have to work at your dead end job for the next 20 years. Maybe there will be no end. You will still be single in 2012. Did you ever imagine that there would be an apocalypse and society would crumble and that you wouldn’t have to go to fucking work and maybe you would join some rebel group and be a hero/finally step up your game? It might never happen. You may not become some kind of post-apocalyptic fuckmaster/hero.

In the meantime why don’t we go out and grab some fucking bass music and remember the peeps we lost in 2011. LET’S GO FUCKING DO THIS SHIT AFTER THE JUMP!

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BAAAAASSSSSSSSSS FAAAAAAAAACCCCEEEEEEE   Leave a comment

Is there a thing as too much bass? Is there a thing as too much face? Maybe. This is world with a million Nicholas Cages just running around in a cage. What does that mean? Nothing. It means mostly that we don’t know what the fuck to write right now. We complain a lot about entertaining you fucks. IT IS SO HARD TO PLEASE YOU! Let’s fucking say that this post is just gonna be for bass music (we’ve complained about this before, all music has bass) and then we’ll do a fucking moombahton post for your fucking pleasure. You would like that no? If not go read a fucking blog about feelings. If you want to have your own fun with Nick Cage’s fucking head go here. OTHERWISE GO GRAB SOME BASS AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!:

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FUCKING SPECIAL POST: NEKI STRANAC INTERVIEW AND EXCLUSIVE REMIXES!   1 comment

If you fucking read The Walmer Convenience Musical Blog at all then you have probably realized a few things (if you have not realized them then you are fucking stupid). One is that we love music but we don’t fucking suck it’s dick. Until someone is able to create a song that will come and suck our dicks then we refuse to suck the dick of music. That’s the way we roll. Another thing is we don’t put anyone on a fucking pedestal. Everyone is human being. Diplo is a human being. wil.i.am is a human being. You’re a fucking human being. No one is due any more respect than anyone else because they’re famous. You can click “like” on every fucking thing they say on Facebook all you want, you will still not be famous. And who knows, maybe Diplo has cried more than you. Kanye West has definitely cried more than you (he may shed at least a tear a day). Maybe you have fucked more chicks than wil.i.am. That’s doubtful though. We don’t bend over backwards for anyone based on how well known they are. In fact, we make fun of them more. Finally, music is something to have fun with. If you love it, you find it fun and enjoyable. Have fun when you make music because there are so many things that can get you down in life. So much fucking tragedy, so much everyday bullshit. Make music a thing to enjoy. Taking it lightly is a better sign than taking it too fucking seriously.

Why are we talking about all this shit? Well to explain why we were so happy we got Neki Stranac to answer some stupid fucking questions we made up. This guy has got a funny and refreshing way on looking at music and the creative process. If you have followed him on Facebook or Soundcloud you know he’s one of the more irreverent fuckers in the global bass scene and especially the Moombahton scene. Enough of our bull shit though. Let’s pass it over to Neki Stranac (who deftly avoids starting any beef even though we tried so fucking hard). READ THE FUCKING INTERVIEW AND GRAB TWO FREE EXCLUSIVE REMIXES AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER NEKI SHIT AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP ASS MONKEYS!

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THE RETURN OF SOUNDCLOUDS   2 comments

Hey bitch suckers. What the fuck is going the fuck on? What the fuck has gone wrong with this place? Are we some kind of legitimate blog or something that posts actual releases by fuckers instead of just a fucking bunch of soundclouds with swearing and stills from stupid 1980’s films? NO! We are not. We are just a bunch of fucking hacks who don’t do any fucking analysis and say stupid shit and generally bring down the ART and SCIENCE of musical blogging. Music blogging is obviously the most noble of mostly unpaid professions. Anyway. Let’s just stop talking about that stuff and focus instead on music and your mom’s pussy. The most important things. LET’S FUCKING DO THIS AFTER THE JUMP CUNT LICKERS!

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WHERE BASS AND YOUR MOM’S PUSSY MEET   Leave a comment

Which came first: bass or your mom’s pussy? The answer may surprise you. Or not. Maybe you already know. You are like an expert in that shit. You also are an expert in farts that hiss out of your ass and for some reason last like a whole fucking minute. You have your likes and you specialties. Who are we to tell you how to live your life? Anyway, maybe you need to shift your focus and concentrate on other things like music. Maybe these tunes will inspire you to change your life and become a doctor or architect. Maybe they will convince you to climb back up your mom’s pussy. THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO KNOW! GO CHECK OUT THE FUCKING TUNES AFTER THE JUMP! Read the rest of this entry »

FRIDAY NIGHT IN FRONT OF THE GARBAGE   Leave a comment

Some kids hung out in front of the coffee shop or the convenience store. You fucking hung out in front of the fucking garbage. That was your home away from home. You always wondered “What are people gonna put in there next?” Life was just a string of endless surprise and wonder. You ever took to calling them “The Wonder Years”. The night was always your favourite time. Such strange shit would get put in there. Syringes, used condoms, dead cats and much more. It was like a terrible Christmas. But it couldn’t last forever. One day they took the garbage away and moved that shit to another corner. You were fucking heartbroken. You tried to follow it. Other kids were hanging around it. They kicked your fucking ass. Now you walk the streets lost. Last Thursday you spent 3 hours holding your gun in your hand, thinking: What if? LIFT YOUR SPIRITS WITH THESE FUCKING TRACKS AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

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