Spread our madness:

Enchanté! Karl Lagerfeld taught me that that’s how motherfuckers say “Hi” in Germany. Crazy eh? By the way, I’m noted American thespian Curtis James Jackson III. Hahaha! Friends, Romans, Countrymen! Lend me your ears! That’s acting! That’s how you do it! I live in fucking Connecticut now! Grey Poupon fuckers! I just eat a whole jar of that shit to show how rich I am. Use that shit as fuckin moisturizer too. Fuckin burns my fuckin face. I feed lobster to my dogs. I drive around the fuckin golf course in a Cadillac. That my fuckin golf cart. I have to pay for the whole golf course to be replanted with grass every time I play. That’s my fucking life. Don’t wear it out. Fuck yeah. Check out these fucking songs AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

Spread our madness:

Hey assmasters! What the fuck is good in the motherfucking hood? Did you see that fucking picture up there? That’s gonna be the right place for you to go on Sept 23rd in Toronto. Nowhere else. Do not accept imitations. If doesn’t say Walmer Fucking Convenience on the box then ain’t gonna be no Walmer Fucking Convenience inside. Probably gonna be some kinda shit. Anyway, go to this shit, pay your $5, see Yo Ev from The Torro Torros, see Daddy Maysr from that Montreal place, and see the Dj Caff who’s a good dude who can drop more party tunes on your heads than a flock of seagulls could drop shit on you. But what about the music? What will that shit be like? Well maybe it will be a bit like this shit AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

Spread our madness:

Hello fucks! Do you know who the fuck I am? I’m fucking Colonel Sanders. Yeah. That’s fucking  right. I’m dead. So dead. But I came the fuck back to life to write for the Walmer Convenience Musical Blog. You don’t even know what the fuck I’ve been up to! I’ve been making fried chicken for Jesus! He fucking loves it! Eats that shit every fucking meal. Motherfucker is fat as fuck now but he still gets all the bitches because he’s fucking Jesus! But whatever, I’m not here to talk about my boring life doing blow off of angel tits and having “cloud parties” (think of the dirtiest shit you can imagine and then multiply by 100). No, my job is to show the the songs that menat the most to me during my time on Earth. Sure most of these fucks weren’t born yet when I died but that’s not important. What is important is the music. Let’s fucking listen. AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

Spread our madness:

Yo! Whatup fucks! This Jon The Bitchslapper Lovitz. Fuck you! Yeah! This is how I really fucking talk because I do a shitload of blow. You thought you knew me and then I’m like BOOOOYAAAAAH! Just like when you do blow off of a breast. In this case I’m not just the blow but I’m also the breast. That’s fucking right cunts. I give you the sweet milk of knowledge. Bwaahaha! Fuck! Shit. I’m fucking feeling so crazy. I think I did too much. Fuck. I hope I don’t die like Osama Bin Laden. Play these songs at my funeral AFTER THE JUMP!

Spread our madness:

Hello everyone. My fucking name is Eddie Griffin. You might remember me from the fact that I played in commercial cinema films a number of years back. Now my job is to smoke cigars for money. I also like to listen to the soundclouds on the world wide web. There are so many things you can find if you like to surf it. It blows my mind sometimes like a spliff. Do you have any work for me? Can I get a light for my cigar? You want to smoke a spliff? I got some papers if you have some chrons. What are you talking about saying no? I saw you had some weed earlier. You sure you need to leave? What about these tunes? AFTER THE JUMP!

Spread our madness:

Hey you fucking fucks! What a time to be alive. We have Microsoft Zunes™ we have Coke Zero™ and now we have a new EP from the super moombahton bros themselves Heartbreak and Munchi. In East Timor people are making thousands of feet of popcorn garlands in celebration. In Moldova they have declared today a national holiday. But there is so much more great music as well out there. Why don”t we all fucking gather round and take a look at it together like a family. A terrible, drug addled family. Join us on this magical journey AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

Spread our madness:

Uhg. So pissed. We had a fucking competition which you may have been aware about. It looked like everything was gonna go great. It was all about who was the best at remixing that Hard In The Paint song by the Waka Flocka Flame. We knew it would be a shoe in for Dj Hotsauce. At least we thought we knew. But then it all went fucking wrong. The right people didn’t vote. To many of the wrong people came to the site. Crizzly cheated, obviously. We waited as long as possible. We thought maybe things would change. The fucker has too many fans. He probably paid them. He’s like that. We can’t pretend anymore. He fucking won. There is no god. Here’s all his stupid fucking tracks AFTER THRE JUMP!

Spread our madness:

When was the last time you shit your pants? 10 years ago? 15 years ago? 1 year ago? If you answered yes to the last one then you have a problem. You are either a baby, a homeless person or a human vegetable. If that is the case we ask: How did you manage to go on the internet, find this blog and be able to read it? You should not be able to do that. Science just won’t fucking allow it. Stop disrespecting science and get yourself a fucking job and a sense of respect.

Anyway maybe one of you will shit your pants tomorrow. Whoever shits their pants next and can prove it to us wins a full writeup on the Walmer Blog. You could get a write up as a dj or music producer or maybe as a janitor or as a person that stands on a bridge over the freeway yelling at cars. You could be a star. Music is after THE FUCKING JUMP…

Spread our madness:

What can we say about the Zeds Dead that Charlie Sheen has not already said so eloquently? They have some new tunage for fuckers to download. They are the Japan nuclear crisis of music except that people don’t forget that they are still going on so maybe the Japan nuclear crisis is the Zeds Dead of nuclear crises. It’s complicated. You know how it works. That’s your relationship status on Facebook. With your wife (or husband if you are the proud owner of a vagina or gay). MUSIC IS AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!!!

Spread our madness:

Motherfucker shit! I’m Samuel fucking L Jackson. I’m gonna fucking fuck shit up and shoot you in the fucking face if you don’t listen to these god damn fucking songs bitch! I fucking listen to this fucking shit all the fucking time. Don’t fuck with me with your shit. I fucking don’t fucking want have to fucking tell you again bitch. Let me fucking describe them to you AFTER THE FUCKING GOD DAMN JUMP…