Archive for the ‘future’ Tag

WHAT IF TODAY YOU GRABBED A BUNCH OF BASS MUSIC FROM JUKE ELLINGTON   Leave a comment

It’s fucking morning in North America. What do you to get ready for the day? Drink coffee? Do a line of blow off a breast? Decisions, decisions. One thing that you could do is grab all this fucking bass music that Juke Ellington put out yesterday. That could be the first thing you do today. It could be the beginning of a change in your life. No more AIDS? No, you will still have AIDS. But you can have AIDS and great music. GO GRAB THAT SHIT AFTER THE JUMP!

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WEEKEND PARTY TIME FUCKFEST   Leave a comment

These people are fucking partying, who are they partying to? US FUCKERS! That’s who. We demolished 751 on Saturday like your dad demolished your mom and inpregnated her with you. That’s how we roll. At points bitches were dancing on tables and shit. Do we have photos of that? No. Are we lying then? You’ll never know. Whatever, we took a bunch of shitty pics. GO GRAB SOME FUCKING TUNES AFTER THE JUMP AND CHECK CRAPPY PICS OF THE BAD TASTE JAM! BIG UP STEVE ROCK OF THE GOOD KIDS FOR HAVING US!

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POST APOCALYPTIC BASS: NO MOOMBAH FUCKERS   Leave a comment

After the fucking apocalypse there will be no room for moombahton. No light-hearted fun at the end of the world. We will need bass and plenty of it. People who listen to moombahton after the apolcalypse will be moving too slow. Cannibals will easily catch up with them. People who are listening to bass may be moving even slower. But they will be heavily armed with axes and hammers. People who listen to moombahton will be armed with hugs. You can’t kill a person with hugs unless you are some kind of musclebound bohemoth. There are probably like 3 people in the world that like moombahton and are also musclebound bohemoths. They will be the only people to carry the moombahton torch into the future. They still might get fucking killed by a bunch of people who like bass music if those people gang up on them. HERE’S SOME BASS MUSIC TO BE PREPARED AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP:

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BASS MUSIC FOR CREEPS   Leave a comment

Where do you listen to music? The girl’s bathroom? The school playground? You’re a creep. Even if you’re a girl it’s kinda creepy unless you have a kid and the kid is playing on the playground and you happen to be there to look after the little fucker. But then even if that is the case, why do you have your headphones on? Maybe your kid is screaming. You’ll never hear them. You’re a bad mother. This is not Parenting Today. Is there a blog called Parenting Today? Who cares. Fuckers are here for some fucking tunes so why don’t we drop the pretense and get straight to the point. Just straight up bass music for your stupid asses. GO GRAB THOSE TUNES AFTER THE JUMP FUCK FACES!

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THE SOUNDCLOUDS YOU FOUND IN THE TOILET   1 comment

It was just a normal time in the toilet for you. You were like “What could go wrong? I’m just doing some blow and getting the fuck out of here just like every lunchtime.” You wanted peace and quiet. You didn’t want your friends to walk in. But you heard something. You heard noises coming from the toilet. No one was taking a shit. It didn’t make sense. You looked in. You discovered the secret. The toilet was filled with soundclouds. It didn’t make sense but it did. You were dancing to the beat. Doing blow to the beat. You went back to work and had the best fucking day of your life. Printed out so many fucking files. But what were the soundclouds that you heard? GO GRAB THE FUCK OUT OF THOSE SOUNDCLOUDS AFTER THE JUMP!

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NO MOOMBAH POST TO KEEP PROVING WE AIN’T SOME FUCKING MOOMBAH ONLY BLOG   Leave a comment

Look at these to assholes. This is fucking Sto of Walmer with fucking Tittsworth at the SLOWED party that happened on Saturday in Toronto. This was a moombahton party where The Torro Torros and Sean Caff also took the crowd and shook the crowd like it wasn’t a thang. It makes perfect sense then to use this picture for a post dedicated to non-moombahton music. We’re geniuses. Whenever we fucking talk to fuckers they think we just like moombahton. We like other music. We post other music. People just send us a shitload of moombahton every fucking day that’s fresh as fuck. If fuckers wanted to send us bass music we will take it and play the fuck out of it. We like club music too. Basically just send us everything. Anyway, go grab some hot ass non moombah AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP BITCHTITS!

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ASSORTED BASS & CLUB   Leave a comment

On the outskirts of Calcutta there is a dump where people leave their used up bass. Living in the dump are a group of dedicated workers who collect this bass, this assorted bass, and put the different pieces back together and make new bass shit with it. This has been going on for generations and is the most important source of music up in this bitch. Maybe you would like to take a journey in to this garbage dump. Dive and swim inside. Do blow in the garbage dump. Fuck a girl maybe. Or if you are a girl you can fuck a man there. Or if you are gay you can do the opposite. But whatever you do, you do it in a garbage dump. GO GRAB THOSE FUCKING TRACKS AFTER THE JUMP CUNT MASTERS!

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