First, direct your attention here. Did you read that? Did you see that Walmer Convenience was cited at ZZK Records? This is proof our opinion matters. Matters a moderate amount. People are like “Well if Walmer Convenience thinks they are the best then it must be true”. It just makes sense. Use a calculator if you need to check the math.
Furthermore we have received new news from ZZK twice since. Count it! 1, 2. Finished! Firstly there is a new EP from Fauna with a remix by the unstoppable Douster of the song Gauchito Gil that we have already featured on the blog in it’s original form. This is what it sounds like:
Plus they are going on a Northern Hemisphere tour! Sure the website looks like it dates from 1996 but the news is good. Will they be bringing Douster, Fauna and El Remolon to Toronto? They better. We only have moderate clout so someone else get on that. Stat! This is their email:
1.El Remolón vs Sinead O´Connor – Jah Nuh Dead
2.El Remolón – Mujeres vs Daft Punk
3.Junior Boys vs Ladybox – Tick Tock (El Remolón cumbia mashup)
4.El Remolón feat Fantasma vs Lady Gaga – Love Game
5.Los Pibes Chorros vs El Remolón Jam
6.Un Mono Azul feat Lido Pimienta – Ninfa de la mar (El Remolón mix)
7.El Remolón feat Fantasma – Liga del Sabor Digital
8.Ghislain Poirier feat Boogat – Kalima Shop Titi (El Remolón Remix)
9.El Remolón feat Marina vs Sokio – Vem Que Tem (edit)
10.Los Pericos – Me Late (El Remolón Remix)
11.El Remolón vs Dante – Listo Pa Gozar el Mostro
12.El Remolón feat Boogat – Estilo Acapulco
13.Bomba Stereo – Fuego (El Remolón Remix)
14.El Remolón vs Maluca – El Tigeraso (Cumbiastep Mix)
15.El Remolón feat Lido Pimienta – Basta Ya (Dubstep Mix)
It’s a chilled out mix in the cumbia style. Good to get really high to. Smoke tons of weed for it. Dreamy shit.
Well, that’s enough of us being the official ZZK Records Toronto news service. What else is there to talk about? Well the good sports at Low Life Inc have sent us a bunch of stuff. Like this by B.R.U.C.E. or these cool cats:
Don’t they look jazzy? This is not our cup of tea. But Low Life Inc likes to challenge us. The above song would be good for playing at the Comfort Zone. Toronto people know what we are talking about. It kinda drones on and if you were on three MDMAs you might find happiness in it. This guy knows what we’re talking about:
Next we got dubstep from them by Meesha who is a man with a girl’s name and is sad and just wants to get good reception for his TV:
This is progress for Low Life Inc though on two counts:
1. We have posted dubstep here before so it is not like they are sending us something that is completely not from any style that we like.
2. Meesha is from Toronto and we like repping local peeps. Unless they are douches. Is Meesha a douche? Maybe.
It has more ambiance. Like a sunset in Paris where people are hitting each other with two by fours and birds are robots.
Well that is all for now. Keep sending us music. We don’t always like it and we’re kind of assholes but Walmer gives it to you real. This is a grown man’s game.
Fresh out of fucking people’s brains and feet last night, Walmer remains still unsatisfied. Why? Because we want more. We want to fuck people’s brains and feet all over town. All over the world. We want to explode onto the scene like this missile exploded onto this house. The world will not be ruled by boring house or funk or whatever you heard a million times before. We bring the new shit. Getting more Walmer Convenience is easy. You can write to your local parliamentary representative or organize a rally with your friends. Or you can just fucking e-mail us and pay us money to play in your club. There are so many choices.
This song is terrible. Everyone is talking about this video because it is super violent and it makes you think about all the violence that is going on in the world and that we, in the West never are aware of. It also makes you think about the folly in hating a certain group for a characteristic that may seem inconsequential (even if being a ginger is NOT inconsequential, in fact, it is the mark of Satan!). But there is one problem that everyone is ignoring here…
THIS SONG BLOWS!
You, M.I.A. have made something that sounds like a droning not interesting garage rock song recorded in a tin can that would have been ignorable in 1993. Is this the best that you’ve got? This song was so boring and shitty that we wanted your video to end way before the EIGHT MINUTES were up. But you are probably not worried about things M.I.A. because you are already on the road to being the new Rage Against The Machine. And by that we mean the band that first year university students who read the back of No Logo get into because the political message is basically punched into your eye it is so obvious. Keep reaching for the stars M.I.A.
Love,
Walmer
P.S. here is the song for you to have and cherish forever because we hate you:
You asked for it! Take a trip with us again through the videos of dancehall artists you never knew existed. And if you did know about them then you are cooler than us. First up, The Passion of Bramma:
Bramma is an artist. His videos actually seem pretty cool. We are not being sarcastic. Here’s more:
This next one is the new best video ever. It has everything you want. Future Fambo is for real. You’ll be able to catch us drunken dancing everywhere:
This next shit is some straight Toronto dancehall shiznit. Eyesus straight reppin Eglinton Flats. And he’s affiliated with Vybz.
More Eyesus. Anyone in Toronto know anyone in this video?:
Karim Hype teaches you to be a good sport here. And don’t forget to drink Nuvo. It’s a man’s drink:
And here’s the Monster Twins:
And here is Bling Dawg who just wants to help girls live a healthy lifestyle:
Wow! Two posts in one day! We are really over extending ourselves. So this song. It’s pretty good and we can now say with certainty that Lisa Hype’s pussy has never shot a man dead. Why? Because she told us herself. In this song. And it’s good to know. We will not be in fear around her pussy. But we can’t be sure about other girls. They are still suspect. Any pussy could be a killer in disguise. Stay vigilant. Fuck with one eye open. Anyway, what else has Lisa Hype been up to? Let’s see:
Vybz is all about the sex jams right now eh? That was quite a slickly produced video.
That video looks like it was shot in The Dirty Frenchman’s apartment. One can rest easy knowing they are prepared in case of an emergency with the fire extinguisher close at hand.
You can make your own witty comment about that one.
That had a real indie feel to it. You really don’t need a big budget to make death threats to Spice. Oh yeah, they hate each other.
Heater alert! This shit is off the hook! Djs: There is no more reason to fear being around 100 bpm anymore. Everyone else: There is now reason to fear hearing music that make your feet burn like your mom’s loins burn for more random sex with strangers. Yeah, we don’t care if we offend you. Apparently this guy Munchi just spends his time making sick beats. He has a shitload at his blog. Apparently this shit is some new style of music called moombahton which to us basically just sounds like slowed down dutch house (like Afrojack shit). The Dirty Frenchman first heard this shit when he was high as a motherfuck and it just took over his mind and he had to re-listen to all the moombahton tracks by this guy like 100 times. And he was late for a dinner appointment. He’s not reliable. Anyway check out this Munchi character, he deserves to blow up more than the World Trade Centre.
Hey! Yeah we’re yelling at you! Look over here! How would you like to listen to a song that sounds like future anime music from the 1980’s? Well if you said yes then this is you time to shine and if you said no then you need to grab a kleenex to wipe your eyes and your vagina with. This is some straight up iced out italo disco madness jabbed right into your ears. You just feel immersed in a world of wonder:
Old video games aside this is just music to show where things started. Like showing how country and bluegrass led to hip-hop. The Dirty Frenchman first became aware of that song walking among the commercial warehouses on the outskirts of Mississauga in the spring of 2006. It was a glorious day.
But you want new music too. You’re like “this is a blog, not a museum”. And you’re right. Well what about this:
Little Vybz Kartel is back to sing you a song of love and dance the dance of life. Or dance the dance of shoes. It’s actually a great song this is. The “again” in the title is supposed o tip you off that this is the part two of this song:
We are are so glad he made a part two to that song because of how it ended on a cliffhanger and you’re all like “what will happen next with the toothbrush cleaning the shoes?”. You lined up around the e-block to see the part two on youtube. You ran to the store to buy Clarks.
So Shifty are guys that like to do bassy ass remixes of everything. They even do bassy remixes of bass. These guys are from Hamburg in Germany and they ain’t scared to take a Martha & The Vandellas song and flip it like your mom gets flipped over while she’s turning tricks. She’s a prostitute. You know. Anyway don’t forget to join us Mondays at Andy Poolhall. You can hear more tunes like that. Or if you hate it you can smoke opium. That’s life.
YOU COULDN’T WAIT TO GET BACK TO WORK JUST SO THAT YOU CAN GO TO THE NEW WEEKLY WALMER JAM, THANK GOD IT’S MONDAY!!! MONDAYS HAVE NEVER BEEN SO MUCH FUN!!!
The Walmer Convenience Blog is not out there to promote copyright infringement and presents the music posted here in order to encourage readers to go out and purchase music from of the featured artists. We recommend http://www.apple.com/itunes/ and http://www.amazon.com/ as good places to purchase music. If you have any questions or comments please contact us: walmer.convenience @ gmail.com
This is our mothafuckin’ boat!
Why? Because we have moderate clout bitches!
Plan B – B Side
Plan B – Thugstep 2: Bang Yo Head
Plan B and The Dirty Frenchman in: Walmer Presents – Fist of Fury the 69th Chamber
Plan B is… Thugstep
Plan B x Boss Don Biggaveli FREE MAX B
Plan B x French Montana – Cut Coke
Plan B x French Montana – More Coke
The Dirty Frenchman – Pick a Hole and Wuk It
THE DIRTY FRENCHMAN – THE INVISIBLE HAND
THE DIRTY FRENCHMAN PRESENTS – FUCKMATAZZ VOL II: MOOMBAHFUCK or THE FUCKET LIST
THE DIRTY FRENCHMAN PRESENTS: FUCKMATAZZ VOLUME 1
The Dirty Frenchman: Race To Fuck Mountain & Government Housing & The Bruckshot Sessions
The Dirty Frenchman: There Will Be Fuck
WALMER CONVENIENCE 