Archive for the ‘moderate clout’ Tag

WE HAVE MODERATE CLOUT VOL 5: PART 2   Leave a comment

We said we would do this like 2 months ago but we lied! We are doing it now! More moderate clout for your sorry asses! What else came in our inbox? Is it a stash of diamonds or cubic zirconias? We will have to dig. This is our cross to bear. First up:

A month ago we got this email telling us this:


(BROOKLYN, NY-NOVEMBER 2, 2010)   One of Hip Hop’s best kept secrets, Kil Ripkin, AKA The Genereal, brings forth his highly anticipated project The Quickening Vol. 1 today. The Quickening Vol. 1 serves as a cosmic ride through the paradigm shift in the spirit of pure, unadulterated Hip Hop. Featuring appearances by Charles Herron, Big Treal (Joe Grizzly) and Ike Turner, this project addresses a range of topics from metaphysics, current social issues like immigration and the economy, to relationships. The soundscape features production from Raticus, Eric G, A Jacks, Eddie Cheeba, Tony Roche and Krutty Ranks; as well as freestyles over some of The Godian’s favorite instrumental vibrations.

STOP THE PRESSES! This exactly what we were waiting for, and by that we mean just the opposite! If there is one thing people need to know about us, it’s that we really couldn’t give a fuck about conscious hip hop. No beef with people who like it. Just that if you need a song to tell you not to slap your bitch then you got other problems. We didn’t even listen to this so who knows? Maybe this is the shit. Can’t fault a cat for hustlin. Maybe this is exactly what YOU want. Here it is:

Don’t really get what this cover is supposed to mean:

Egypt claws? Whatever. Next!

Here’s some hotness for your sorry asses:

David Heartbreak – King Kong

Now this is the type of shit we can get behind! Heartbreak should have called this shit Lazer Steamroller. This is what it sounds like when doves get shot in the face. But wait! There’s more:


If you clicked on that link you would find the song above and two more servings of moombahton fire as part of third installment of his Moombahma series. Get that shit or get yourself a job at a desk and start pushing fucking pencils.

Next is this:

Daft Punk – Derezzed (Breakdown Remix)

This song is by these Breakdown guys from LA and it sounds like they were trying to capture the spirit of their city where people shove fists full of blow into each other’s mouths. That’s how life is there. Is it a good remix? Well Daft Punk belong in a fucking museum so if you like historical music then it is for you.

The last little while we have been getting these emails from some dude named Nappy Famous and we were never reading them and then we bothered to check and it turns out that in an interview on some other more well intentioned and earnest music blog he claims to have coined the word “thugstep”. Here’s one of the tracks he sent us:

B.o.B. – I’ll Be In The Sky (Disc Jockey Nappy vs Girl Unit Thugstep mix (save as)

It becomes weird though since our own Plan B IS THUGSTEP and this guy invented thugstep, does that mean that he is Plan B’s father? Is this his way of reconnecting? Is he like “Listen to this Plan B!”

Beyonce – upgrade you ft. jay-z (disc jockey nappy vs document one vs heist THUGSTEP mix)

“I love you son.”


This is our awesome swimming pool!:

This is our smart phone!:

These are SIIIIICK headphones we use to dj!:

WHY? Because we got moderate goddamn clout mothafuckers! It’s been a while since we’ve trumpeted it. There has been sadness. Our totally awesome friends at Low Life Inc. who would send us well written emails about their GREAT artists shut off the tap of AMAZINGNESS for some reason. It was so strange because the stuff they would send TOTALLY FIT OUR TASTES LIKE THEY HAD READ OUR MINDS! (WE USE ALL CAPS FOR SARCASM!) Of course they were not the only ones to send stuff but they were the SOUL of our moderate clout and when they stopped it was as if we had lost our souls. But we can rest no longer. So here we go:


He (we assume it’s a he) sent us this song on the Soundcloud and it’s good but not as hard hitting as we would like. Also, it is kind of repetitive. But it is better than all the songs we have made like “Song the doesn’t exist” and “Not real song”. Next:

Yeah Yeah Yeahs & A-Trak – Heads Will Roll (Electric Soulside ft Odissi remix) (save as)

These guys called Electric Soulside who have a name that sounds like it is from the wrong side of 1996 sent us the song above that sounds like it is from the wrong side of 2008, in 2010! And it features Odissi. ODISSI!

View All Photos | ODISSI “I am 14 and use sex to sell myself. Also, who the fuck am I?”

A while back the Boomzers sent us this:

Azzido Da Bass – Music For Bagpipes (RMX)

Which to us is like the bagpipe version of this:

B-more legend Dj Pierre sent us this:

Other stuff he has done is awesome.

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2! (There’s a lot of stuff that has accumulated since we last did this feature.)


This is our hot tub!

This is our drink sponsor!

This is our mothafuckin’ boat!

Why? Because we have moderate clout bitches!

So what has landed in our inbox recently? A lot.

First, direct your attention here. Did you read that? Did you see that Walmer Convenience was cited at ZZK Records? This is proof our opinion matters. Matters a moderate amount. People are like “Well if Walmer Convenience thinks they are the best then it must be true”. It just makes sense. Use a calculator if you need to check the math.

Furthermore we have received new news from ZZK twice since. Count it! 1, 2. Finished! Firstly there is a new EP from Fauna with a remix by the unstoppable Douster of the song Gauchito Gil that we have already featured on the blog in it’s original form. This is what it sounds like:

Plus they are going on a Northern Hemisphere tour! Sure the website looks like it dates from 1996 but the news is good. Will they be bringing Douster, Fauna and El Remolon to Toronto? They better. We only have moderate clout so someone else get on that. Stat! This is their email:

What else? El Remelon has a new mixtape. This is the direct link. This is the tracklist:

1.El Remolón vs Sinead O´Connor – Jah Nuh Dead
2.El Remolón – Mujeres vs Daft Punk
3.Junior Boys vs Ladybox – Tick Tock (El Remolón cumbia mashup)
4.El Remolón feat Fantasma vs Lady Gaga – Love Game
5.Los Pibes Chorros vs El Remolón Jam
6.Un Mono Azul feat Lido Pimienta – Ninfa de la mar (El Remolón mix)
7.El Remolón feat Fantasma – Liga del Sabor Digital
8.Ghislain Poirier feat Boogat – Kalima Shop Titi (El Remolón Remix)
9.El Remolón feat Marina vs Sokio – Vem Que Tem (edit)
10.Los Pericos – Me Late (El Remolón Remix)
11.El Remolón vs Dante – Listo Pa Gozar el Mostro
12.El Remolón feat Boogat – Estilo Acapulco
13.Bomba Stereo – Fuego (El Remolón Remix)
14.El Remolón vs Maluca – El Tigeraso (Cumbiastep Mix)
15.El Remolón feat Lido Pimienta – Basta Ya (Dubstep Mix)

It’s a chilled out mix in the cumbia style. Good to get really high to. Smoke tons of weed for it. Dreamy shit.

Well, that’s enough of us being the official ZZK Records Toronto news service. What else is there to talk about? Well the good sports at Low Life Inc have sent us a bunch of stuff. Like this by B.R.U.C.E. or these cool cats:

B.R.U.C.E. – The Wallet (direct link)

Don’t they look jazzy? This is not our cup of tea. But Low Life Inc likes to challenge us. The above song would be good for playing at the Comfort Zone. Toronto people know what we are talking about. It kinda drones on and if you were on three MDMAs you might find happiness in it. This guy knows what we’re talking about:

Next we got dubstep from them by Meesha who is a man with a girl’s name and is sad and just wants to get good reception for his TV:

This is progress for Low Life Inc though on two counts:

1. We have posted dubstep here before so it is not like they are sending us something that is completely not from any style that we like.

2. Meesha is from Toronto and we like repping local peeps. Unless they are douches. Is Meesha a douche? Maybe.

This is his song:

Meesha – Daat (direct link)

It’s an ok song at best. It seems like he’s trying to go all Joy Orbison on our asses. The Bombaman remix is better:

Meesha – Daat (Bombaman Remix) (direct link)

It has more ambiance. Like a sunset in Paris where people are hitting each other with two by fours and birds are robots.

Well that is all for now. Keep sending us music. We don’t always like it and we’re kind of assholes but Walmer gives it to you real. This is a grown man’s game.

WE HAVE MODERATE CLOUT VOL 3   Leave a comment

This is our private jet:

This is the laptop we use to spin:

This the car we use to take ladies home:


This time it’s a mixed bag. We have some crazy pum pum activation shit and some mediocre we don’t know what to think of it shit.

First the good news:

ZZK Records aka the best damn label from South America sent us this news:

BUENOS AIRES, ARG. (Feb. 16, 2010) – “Las Americas V.1,” the latest EP from Buenos Aires-based record label ZZK Records, is set for digital release next Tuesday, February 16. Produced by Poirier, a DJ/producer from Montreal, “Las Americas” features a reggaeton-inspired track with vocals by Boogat. The album, which also includes remixes from Uproot Andy, El Remolon, Lagartijeando, and Douster, is sure to unite Montreal and Buenos Aires as hermanos in music.

Here are the tracks to preview:

Ghislain Poirier ft. Boogat – Kalima Shop Titi

Ghislain Poirier ft. Boogat – Kalima Shop Titi (Uproot Andy Remix)

Ghislain Poirier ft. Boogat – Kalima Shop Titi (Douster Remix)

There are other remixes then the Uproot Andy and Douster ones but they are not that great. Sorry El Remolon and Lagartijeando (whoever you are), better luck next year. The original is really not that great either but we support the idea. It’s a song about the bad guy in Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom. This guy:

He’s great. Sure, you want ZZK records to shut up when they say:

“Now, South America’s most futuristic record label is expanding its sound, vision, and synchronicity with like-minded producers from around the world, 2010 version. You’ve heard people talking about World Music 2.0, Nu Whirled Music, Global Gettotech and other terms describing where urban bass music is headed. “Las Americas V.1” is your chance to experience it in all its cross-cultural glory.”

Because that is a ridiculous thing to say about a song based on a character in a movie that set back Indian stereotypes to the 1930’s. But it’s still ok because we are getting news and music sent to us from a record label that releases songs we actually play at things like this:

We will try to get promos of these tracks before Daggerday so you guys can get crazy to this shit.

Now you are probably asking “What else has landed in the Walmer inbox?” Well, a few things actually but we will talk of only one group: Urban Legend.

Here is their story in their own words:

The 2 first met in the Ft. Green section of Brooklyn, NY at Moe’s bar. Upon being introduced by super producer Dr. Luke (best known for his work with platinum-plus artists Kelly Clarkson, Pink, Ke$ha, Avril Lavigne), both producers hit it off instantly. It turned out that Kojak thought J-Radical’s new kicks were “dope”. “Ever since I saw him rocking those Air Force 1’s, I knew he was down by law”, quips Kojak. “We had an instant connection,” he adds with a smirk.

The two soon found themselves holed up in J-Radical’s Hollywood studio making tracks until all hours. Both with a penchant for Latinas, the obvious move: “to just be a couple of white boys making a Latino record.”  Since both cats were already making a name for themselves on a solo tip, the natural thing to do was to come together like some rum-soaked Wonder Twins and set out for a musical path of destruction.

Perhaps something in your head is ringing after reading that. Is it an alarm bell? We bet it isn’t from the name dropping of Ke$ha and Avril Lavigne. How could it be? Everyone is buying their music so they must be good. Then we looked at the photos that were sent along with the music and the blurb above:

It puts us in a tough place because we at Walmer Convenience respect the hustle. We hustle everyday. We believe people who work hard should succeed and blah blah blah. This doesn’t work though:

This looks like a thing we would make as a joke. And it doesn’t help that we had to go download this from some website that had pop-ups for downloading stupid screen savers and shit. The Dirty Frenchman may have morning breath so terrible that it has been known to kill the girls that get blackout drunk and sleep with him, but he still posts direct links when he sends his shit out to people.

But what about the music?

Well, if you want to hear it you will have to download it like a sucka from sendspace (?) like we did. The thing is, because the presentation was so poor, we were predisposed to hate a song that would otherwise not be horrible if played when one is coming down off drugs at 6am with the sun rising.

Urban Legend ft Chana – World Keeps Spinning (sendpace)

Anyway, that’s enough of our clout for now.


This is our big screen TV:

This is our motorbike:


Like we said before, we get songs sent to us to talk about on our blog because there are people out there who think we have influence on people’s tastes.  We get emails like this:

Hello Walmer Convenience

Low Life Inc. here with some great music from Skinnerbox with a 2 cuts from their debut album King of Spades & Marmalades on Berlin’s Doxa Records, an older cut and one unreleased.

There’s pics, cover art and a full press release in the press kit below…please post pics & mp3s.

And then continue like this:

The particular view on a musical future might have been considerably different when Olaf Hilgenfeld (Berlin) met Iftah Gabbai (Jerusalem) for first sessions in 2004. The piano player Hilgenfeld used the accordion that time mainly, whilst Gabbai was using all instruments available, a computer was among those more by chance. Only one year later the duo Skinnerbox played regularly on such uplifting, innovative off-partys that came up in the new Techno generation again. That was just the beginning. Skinnerbox have developed a purely electronically composed and performed music (partly featuring vocals by Elle_P) – that is not based on loops but improvised Techno inspired House and Minimal House. The roles in the duo are clearly settled: Olaf Hilgenfeld – Moog synthesizer, Iftah Gabbai – hardware drum machines, Max/MSP und Ableton Live. All these distinct impacts and effects can be heard on their various releases from the last two years, but far better in their live sets. Skinnerbox are an experience, taking you on expedition with paralyzing Minimal, breaking House, hard-edged Techno- Jazz, and ambient Electronica futurism.

It was a desire to eternalize this play- & colorful diversity, often just caused by the moment, as entire homogeneity. Thus, they needed to leave temporarily their environmental Techno and Minimal House scapes. ”King Of Spades And Marmalades” – the result – is a Jazz Opus wrapped into a Disco suitcase. It is a reminiscence as well as going far ahead of daily musical habits, shown not at least by the order of tracks, do not starting with a stunning hit of the album, but with 20 minutes of challenge.

Thanks Again,

Low Life Inc.

And then follow up like this:

Hello again,

Just checking back with you to see if you received the letter below, would love for you to post something on the release if you’re into it.

Let us know either way.



Sorry for all the text. This is Walmer, not English Class. Now this is all good and polite and we thank them for thinking we have clout. Moderate clout. But these guys must never read this blog because if they did then they would know that this is not Walmeresque at all:

Skinnerbox – Naked Man (direct link)

Really Low Life Inc? Is this the kind of thing you think we are gonna boost? This doesn’t fit in with anything we have ever written about ever. And not just that. This is a terrible song. Good luck to you Skinnerbox with your “jazz opus wrapped in a disco suitcase”. Weird Al fans are gonna be all over this. Plus who writes for you Low Life Inc? What does “Only one year later the duo Skinnerbox played regularly on such uplifting, innovative off-partys that came up in the new Techno generation again.” Can we quote you on that? Oops we just did. Well thanks still. It’s the gesture that is important. Keep the music coming but can you at least send us shit we might remotely be interested in? This one is a better one Low Life Inc. sent us:

Zoot Woman – We Won’t Break (Popular Damage Remix) (direct link)

WE HAVE MODERATE CLOUT VOL 1   Leave a comment

This is our limo:

this is our mansion:



Why do we say this? Because we get sent songs now instead of digging around for songs like suckas. We’re a real music blog. Someone, someone stupid, thinks we have some kind of pull over people’s tastes. Sure not all the songs are great and we will feature those too (sorry but it’s true. some people need to go back to making music university to finish that degree they dropped out of). But this one is not bad:

The Vibes: A Sizzla Tale – Talen (sendspace)

Good work Talen! You did well with this song! We are not sarcastic! No really we are not being sarcastic. Fine, fuck off. Anyway they are Swiss mothafuckers and that is about all we know because that is what was in the email we were sent. So do something like look out for them. Or not.

Posted November 24, 2009 by walmerconvenience in Uncategorized

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