Archive for the ‘rod stewart’ Tag


Hey! Assholes! What’s up! You know what these moombahton tracks are gonna do to you? Gonna bite your fucking ear off is what. Gonna have a fucking piece of your ear missing. That will be your life. You can either deal with it or cry like a baby. An ear-less baby. Nobody wants an ear-less baby. Those get returned to the vagina in exchange for another baby. Because that how pregnancy works. Either that or a fucking bird brings your baby. Bird shit baby. Anyway. Enough about birds and babies. Let’s listen to some moombahton AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!:

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There is a thing about dancehall that you may not know about if you have not about if you have not wasted your lives as we have by listening to ALL of it. Yes, all of it. We have listened to all dancehall tracks that have ever been made. That thing that you may not know is that for some reason (a reason that escape the realm of reason itself), dancehall artists LOVE making remakes of classic pop songs with often different lyrics. You might think “Sure, that is fine and normal” but you would be wrong. Try again. This is not normal because they don’t select tracks that you would normally think a dancehall artist would remake. In fact, they select the tracks that you would least expect dancehall artists to remake. We have already featured one here but there arew more. Come,  join us on a journey into a world of bizarrity and non-mirth as we explore the troubling world of the weirdest dancehall remakes:

Our first stop is with this:

Buccaneer – Bad Man No Stray (zshare)

Because you had said to yourself that you had always wanted a dancehall version of this:

Yes, Enya is what dancehall artists are listening to. Buccaneer is like “My musical influences were Buju Banton, Tupac and Enya.” Which is fine. Jamaica is a good place to listen to Enya. Little kids in Jamaica were all over that shit in the 80’s. And you have to love that Buccaneer managed to also add a part that sounds like Uptown Girl. Weirdest dancehall song ever.

Next up is this:

Elephant Man – Hey Nikki (zshare)

Yes, Elephant Man was sitting in his thinking chair when the lightbulb appeared over his head and he exclaimed to Ding Dong “Demma  know di Hey Mickey tchune? Mi a remake it. Me a call it new name: Hey Nikki!”. And it was done.

Then comes Bounty Killer:

Bounty Killer – Do ya Think I’m Sexy (zshare)

Rod Stewart has no video for the original which is fine. No one wanted to see it anyway. Oh you did? That’s embarassing.

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