Archive for the ‘r’n’b’ Tag

WHERE BASS AND YOUR MOM’S PUSSY MEET   Leave a comment

Which came first: bass or your mom’s pussy? The answer may surprise you. Or not. Maybe you already know. You are like an expert in that shit. You also are an expert in farts that hiss out of your ass and for some reason last like a whole fucking minute. You have your likes and you specialties. Who are we to tell you how to live your life? Anyway, maybe you need to shift your focus and concentrate on other things like music. Maybe these tunes will inspire you to change your life and become a doctor or architect. Maybe they will convince you to climb back up your mom’s pussy. THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO KNOW! GO CHECK OUT THE FUCKING TUNES AFTER THE JUMP! Read the rest of this entry »

WHEN SOUNDCLOUDS RULED THE EARTH   Leave a comment

There is a part of your mom’s uterus where soundclouds are made by tiny elves working night and day. The craft the soundclouds with their tiny fingers making sure that every single one is unique like a snowflake. That’s the story of soundclouds. do you like it? No? Shut up. We are not inventing another one. Anyway, we don’t have much more to say so here are some tunes. Some days we just feel like phoning it in alright. Some days we just need to make edits instead of originals. Inside joke. MUSIC IS AFTER THE JUMP!

Read the rest of this entry »

FUCKING FUCKMAS AGAIN FOR YOUR STUPID ASSES   Leave a comment

Drop the Lime – Hot as Hell (Canblaster Remix) (zshare)

It’s that fucking time again when Santa Claus goes to the houses of rich kids to give them gifts and tells poor kids to go fuck themselves. That for us is the magic of Christmas along with getting drunk with our families and having to take huge shits after eating so much food. This is also the time when, between these epic shits, we post a ton of songs. What do we have this year, some good stuff, some amazing news, some sad news and a lot of meaningless bullshit you have come to expect and love. Take the song above, it’s fucking masterpiece. It’s like you’re in a spaghetti western but in an island in the Gulf of Thailand, perhaps off the coast of Cambodia or Vietnam. Why do we make this comparaison. This fucking specific comparaison? Because that is where The Dirty Frenchman is leaving for in two days. Yes. For a month. This is how he expects it to be:

Guido – Mad Sax (zshare)

Before he embarked on this trip down into the very heart of darkness, The Dirty Frenchman wanted to record 3 mixes which he did yesterday but then, sadly the recording fucked up and now only the right stereo side recorded so they sound like shit. So that didn’t happen. He’s pissed because he wanted to be like a fucking Tupac recording himself and then releasing shit while he was gone, maybe even dead. That’s dark some dark shit.

This fucking party is taking place where Plan fucking B is gonna spin with some guy named Destro on New Years or rather, as Plan B calls it, Jew Years. Be there if you like good music and wanna be murdered by tunes like these:

Oh yeah, sorry we never told you but those Gooffee assholes just dropped a free EP today on your sorry asses. That’s a lot of sorry in there. You need to learn to let things go and get on with your life. Maybe listen to a song like this which sounds like when you are having a moment and then realizing everything you ever believed was wrong but you’re happy about it.

Girl Unit – Wut (zshare)

“I’m happy about my fucking world collapsing!”

You (2010)

Oh and did you know that Douster and Zonora Point did a free mixtape EP that you can listen to here:

and download here as individual tracks.

oh and Brodinski released a collection of the best hip hop and r’n’b remixes of the year (in his opinion) here’s his picks:

and here are the tracks for download.

Wow. That enough news and music to last next while. Look forward for dispatches from The Dirty Frenchman in the Orient and get the fuck to Lot 16 for fucking New Years!

 

WE HAVE MODERATE CLOUT VOL 3   Leave a comment

This is our private jet:

This is the laptop we use to spin:

This the car we use to take ladies home:

WE HAVE MODERATE CLOUT MOTHAFUCKAS!

This time it’s a mixed bag. We have some crazy pum pum activation shit and some mediocre we don’t know what to think of it shit.

First the good news:

ZZK Records aka the best damn label from South America sent us this news:

BUENOS AIRES, ARG. (Feb. 16, 2010) – “Las Americas V.1,” the latest EP from Buenos Aires-based record label ZZK Records, is set for digital release next Tuesday, February 16. Produced by Poirier, a DJ/producer from Montreal, “Las Americas” features a reggaeton-inspired track with vocals by Boogat. The album, which also includes remixes from Uproot Andy, El Remolon, Lagartijeando, and Douster, is sure to unite Montreal and Buenos Aires as hermanos in music.

Here are the tracks to preview:

Ghislain Poirier ft. Boogat – Kalima Shop Titi

Ghislain Poirier ft. Boogat – Kalima Shop Titi (Uproot Andy Remix)

Ghislain Poirier ft. Boogat – Kalima Shop Titi (Douster Remix)

There are other remixes then the Uproot Andy and Douster ones but they are not that great. Sorry El Remolon and Lagartijeando (whoever you are), better luck next year. The original is really not that great either but we support the idea. It’s a song about the bad guy in Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom. This guy:

He’s great. Sure, you want ZZK records to shut up when they say:

“Now, South America’s most futuristic record label is expanding its sound, vision, and synchronicity with like-minded producers from around the world, 2010 version. You’ve heard people talking about World Music 2.0, Nu Whirled Music, Global Gettotech and other terms describing where urban bass music is headed. “Las Americas V.1” is your chance to experience it in all its cross-cultural glory.”

Because that is a ridiculous thing to say about a song based on a character in a movie that set back Indian stereotypes to the 1930’s. But it’s still ok because we are getting news and music sent to us from a record label that releases songs we actually play at things like this:

We will try to get promos of these tracks before Daggerday so you guys can get crazy to this shit.

Now you are probably asking “What else has landed in the Walmer inbox?” Well, a few things actually but we will talk of only one group: Urban Legend.

Here is their story in their own words:

The 2 first met in the Ft. Green section of Brooklyn, NY at Moe’s bar. Upon being introduced by super producer Dr. Luke (best known for his work with platinum-plus artists Kelly Clarkson, Pink, Ke$ha, Avril Lavigne), both producers hit it off instantly. It turned out that Kojak thought J-Radical’s new kicks were “dope”. “Ever since I saw him rocking those Air Force 1’s, I knew he was down by law”, quips Kojak. “We had an instant connection,” he adds with a smirk.

The two soon found themselves holed up in J-Radical’s Hollywood studio making tracks until all hours. Both with a penchant for Latinas, the obvious move: “to just be a couple of white boys making a Latino record.”  Since both cats were already making a name for themselves on a solo tip, the natural thing to do was to come together like some rum-soaked Wonder Twins and set out for a musical path of destruction.

Perhaps something in your head is ringing after reading that. Is it an alarm bell? We bet it isn’t from the name dropping of Ke$ha and Avril Lavigne. How could it be? Everyone is buying their music so they must be good. Then we looked at the photos that were sent along with the music and the blurb above:

It puts us in a tough place because we at Walmer Convenience respect the hustle. We hustle everyday. We believe people who work hard should succeed and blah blah blah. This doesn’t work though:

This looks like a thing we would make as a joke. And it doesn’t help that we had to go download this from some website that had pop-ups for downloading stupid screen savers and shit. The Dirty Frenchman may have morning breath so terrible that it has been known to kill the girls that get blackout drunk and sleep with him, but he still posts direct links when he sends his shit out to people.

But what about the music?

Well, if you want to hear it you will have to download it like a sucka from sendspace (?) like we did. The thing is, because the presentation was so poor, we were predisposed to hate a song that would otherwise not be horrible if played when one is coming down off drugs at 6am with the sun rising.

Urban Legend ft Chana – World Keeps Spinning (sendpace)

Anyway, that’s enough of our clout for now.

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