Archive for the ‘raekwon’ Tag

THE RETURN OF WHO IS BEST: BLAZE UP EDITION   8 comments

Shaolintronics! What up every one? This is fucking Raekwon from the Wu-Tang’s Clan. I here with some other dude I don’t know the name of and we’re here for a very special return of The Walmer Convenience Musical Blog’s famous: Who Is Best? See this giant bag of fucking weed? I was gonna take it all and stick it into your mom’s vagina because that’s what I do with weed. I don’t smoke it. I don’t make it into cookies. I just shove it up girl’s pussies. But this time, I’m gonna smoke that shit. Gonna smoke the whole fucking bag in one joint and then I’m gonna puke and then when I wake up, because I will have also passed the fuck out in a pool of my vomit, we will know who made the best fucking version of “Blaze Up (That Jeffrey)” originally by the David Heartbreaks and the Toddla T. VOTE FOR THE BEST VERSION AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

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WHAT WALMER DUN DID: CARIBANA WEEKEND EDITION   Leave a comment

Well this long weekend was even longer than any of us could have imagined. We went out from Thursday to Sunday and even Tuesday and took no prisoners. So what did we do you ask? Well it all began during what seemed to be a typical Thursday night. We were lounging around Walmer Convenience HQ sipping on some Beaujelais Nouveau when Sto presented the team with the idea that we should head to Vdara, this place on Queen West that used to be called Habitat. We quickly gathered our belongings and set out. To our surprise when we got there, dancehall was the order of the day. Granted, it was Caribana weekend but in it’s former incarnation as Habitat, it had been quite a douchey place to be. One expected boring jazzy house or some other shitty music designed for being lame. Apparently this party they were having was called Wheel Up Pt 2. We never went to Wheel Up Pt 1 so it took a while to catch up with the plot but in the end they played a good mix of new and old dancehall. Djs Fathom and Serious of Toronto were there holding it down and some dude from Montreal who we don’t know what he is called. Maybe Dj Imagination. No, not really.

Friday was quiet.

Saturday was not quiet. Saturday was a day of reckoning. Saturday was Caribana. Saturday was the day that Sto and The Dirty Frenchman and friends got mashed up listening to soca music for hours and hours in the sun. There were a few floats that stood out. Firstly, the Roc-A-Fella float was a world of mystery and intrigue where things are not as they seem. By that we mean that they played this crazy soca/house hybrid music that was the kind of music you would hear if you were at a party in a volcano. Then there was this float that had Raekwon standing in it and we yelled at him and he did Wu Tang signs and we were satisfied with that. Then there was this other float that was a dancehall explosion where they played songs like Money Changer and I’m So Special and other songs that are not by Movado (Elephant Man was heard for sure). They kept on yelling “this is the jamaican float!” and so that is apparently how it should be known. There were other floats too but some of them were just too lame as in the music was not loud enough so it was drowned out by the floats around them or the girls on the float were not dancing or doing anything. Sad floats for sad people. Slap yourselves.

Later that night, there were reports that The Dirty Frenchman was seen at Augusta House in Kensington. It was body paint themed but apparently not busy busy busy. Witnesses attest however that The Dirty Frenchman and his entourage were still dancing. It has been theorized that this is mainly because one of the djs was smart enough to play some fucking dancehall. That kid went to school. Good djing school. Later The Dirty Frenchman and friends were spotted again. This time at an after hours in a place in Toronto. The music was really awesome there. Good bass music. We would elaborate more but we are not giver awayers.

Sunday Sto went to the Drake Underground and this dj we never heard of called Neoteric was there and apparently played a really awesome electro set. Thumbs up! All this while The Dirty Frenchman rested. Sleeping like a little bitch.

Monday was event free. Walmer Convenience spent the day smoking opium and taking in a few Russian Roulette matches.

Tuesday The Dirty Frenchman was seen at the Yeah Yeah Yeahs show. Sources later confirmed he was there because a good friend of his was celebrating her birthday. They are skilled showmen those Yeah Yeah Yeahs. The chick who sings for them is definitely a good song and dance lady. At the start of the show she was dressed like the Ghost of Christmas Future. What can be said about the music? It runs the gamut from hard hitting rocky/electro dance music to songs girls scratch the lyrics of into their desk in Grade 10 science class.

Enough.

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