Archive for the ‘emynd’ Tag

THE RETURN OF SOUNDCLOUDS   2 comments

Hey bitch suckers. What the fuck is going the fuck on? What the fuck has gone wrong with this place? Are we some kind of legitimate blog or something that posts actual releases by fuckers instead of just a fucking bunch of soundclouds with swearing and stills from stupid 1980’s films? NO! We are not. We are just a bunch of fucking hacks who don’t do any fucking analysis and say stupid shit and generally bring down the ART and SCIENCE of musical blogging. Music blogging is obviously the most noble of mostly unpaid professions. Anyway. Let’s just stop talking about that stuff and focus instead on music and your mom’s pussy. The most important things. LET’S FUCKING DO THIS AFTER THE JUMP CUNT LICKERS!

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SOUNDCLOUDS YOU CAN’T TOUCH   1 comment

Maybe you are expecting something clever right now. Maybe that is not possible. Maybe we went out and scouted a place for our next party. Maybe we did blow at some point and had a number of beers. Maybe we are fucking dead inside now at work pretending to be normal people talking to our fucking boss and discussing projected revenue and then in our heads we’re like “I do fucking blow man. I can’t fucking deal with this shit.” That’s our lives. We’re having a fucking meeting and we’re pointing at charts and graphs and shit and we get a drip from the night before fall down our throats and you gotta keep your fucking composure. But anyway. Enough of that. There are soundclouds to blog. Grab them, listen to them, fuck them AFTER THE JUMP ASSHOLES!

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FUCK SOUNDCLOUD CLASSIC MOOMBAHTON MEGAPOST   1 comment

John C Reilly fucking knows! We can continue without Soundcloud! We can take this opportunity to revisit some classic shit. Are you guys up on your early moombahton? Why don’t we jump in a fucking time machine and check out some of the tracks that are the foundation of this shit. Maybe you have these tracks but maybe you don’t. Maybe you lost all the files on you computer. Whatever. Let’s be nostalgic AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

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THE SOUNDCLOUDS YOU WROTE ABOUT IN YOUR DIARY   1 comment

Hey little baby, you gonna cry and write about your period in your diary? You gonna go in front of the mirror and tell yourself that you got a big dick or if you’re a girl that you have big fucking vagina? Is that something that girls care about? Who has the biggest vagina? Is that like some kind of secret sisterhood hierarchy? No? Have you guessed we’re all dudes by how misogynistic we are? Yes? What about applying your powers of deduction to deducing why these tracks are so hot. Which fucking tracks? THE ONES AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP FUCKERS!

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WEDNESDAY MOOMBAHTON PLUNDER & BUGGERY   1 comment

You took fucking drugs. You went to a museum. You couldn’t understand what the fuck was going on. You threw up everywhere. Everyone was pissed. They banned you from the museum for life. Now you can’t get fucking art smart. You walked down the fucking street. You slipped on a piece of runny dog shit. You twisted your fucking ankle. while you were on the ground crying like a bitch you saw a place. It was another museum. A moombahton museum. You went inside. You heard these fucking tracks that are AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP ASSCLOWNS!

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MONDAY OF FUCKING MOOMBAHTON!   Leave a comment

Hey fuckers. I’m James Earl Jones. Yeah. Get used to it. I’m just here to write about some moombahton for the Walmer Convenience Musical Blog. I like the moombahton music a lot. It’s like the music of my life. On my tombstone it will read “James Earl Jones 1931-2015 See: Moombahton” and then when you read about moombahton you will be reading about me because it is the music of my soul. Yeah. That’s my wish. Gonna put it in my fucking will. Who has a pen? There. It’s in. I’m fucking James Earl Jones and that’s how serious I am about moombahton. Here, listen to these tunes AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP:

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SOUNDCLOUDS OF WRATH   Leave a comment

Hey hey! My name is Afrojacks. I invented moombahton. Fuck all of y’all. I don’t drink milk. I pour Crystal™ on my fucking cereal. I eat fucking Caviar Pops. They’re like Corn Pops but they taste like fucking fish and cost $2000 per box. That’s my life. That’s Afrojack. I’m working on a track with Justin Bieber. I fucked Lady Gaga. That was so weird. There were ostriches in the same room when it happened. One of them licked my right testicle. It’s tongue was rough. I still see it’s face when I close my eyes.

Have you met my friends yet? Bill.i.am is the fucking black dude from Blast Iced Fleas and there’s Dave Gettus and that guy from Florida who I don’t remember his name. Here’s some tracks AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

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