ALL KINDS OF SOUNDS FUCKING YOU   1 comment

Hello guys! I’m Jerry Seinfeld. Don’t you hate when you’re at the gas station and you’re pumping the gas and by accident some gas falls on your crotch and everyone think you peed your pants but you didn’t? They should just call it “pee gas”. Right? Am I right? Anyways, I want to take a minute to talk to you about some music that I like that I got in the Soundclouds and in my email. Speaking of email, why is called email? It’s on a computer. They should call it cmail. Lol.

Rihanna – Only Girl (Murlo Remix)

That song was like the time I was freaking out about the stuff you have to go through at the airport.

I was like “What’s the deal with metal detectors?” and someone was like “To detect metal you stupid fuck.” and I was all like “Er. Yeah. Damn.” So after I went to the aiport lounge to have a drink because I had looked stupid and alcohol generaly tends to make me feel more confident and better about myself. Sometimes when I drink it, I even feel like I’m funny. I got so drunk and had to go throw up in the toilet over and over again between trying to talk to a young lady who said her parents loved my show. I was so upset at that toilet there. It kept on asking to swallow more and more of my vomit and what was I to do? Refuse? I got kicked out.

Whip My Hair (Crizzly Remix) (mediafire download link)

This last song reminds me of the time I was trying to explain something to someone and making observations about things.

And they were like “Your brand of comedy has fucking aged badly.” And then I wished it was the 1990’s again but it wasn’t and I took three Tylenol 3 pills to feel better and then talked for 4 hours to the sink about what the deal with the toilet was. The saddest part is that there was no deal with the toilet. It just sat there doing nothing the whole time. I had to flush it just to get a reaction from it. That toilet needs to come down a notch.

Zonora Point & Douster – El mejor

This last song really tells the story of the time I was hanging out with my friends: The Racist, The Fat Guy and The Hot Chick Who Dressed Like She Was Not Hot So You Were Not Sure If You Wanted To Bang Her. The Racist was acting like he was all bugged out like he was on cocaine but he was not or at least he was not supposed to be. We spent 30 minutes arguing if it was better to have the toilet paper roll feeding out from the top or the bottom and the chick pushed me saying “Get out of here!” and I fell into the toilet and I was like “Hey buddy. Thanks for catching me. You’re not such an asshole after all.”

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