WHO IS THE VYBZ KARTEL?   3 comments

Vybz Kartel

Vybz Kartel

It’s Friday and you need to further your dancehall education. Vybz Kartel is one of the best when it comes to the job of dancehalling. He can dancehall with the greatest. It’s true. Try to dancehall against him. You will have to go to your mom after to cry on her lap. What is even better is that he can make crazy ass party songs and then the next minute he will bust out on a serious tip or even a fuckin hard gangster tip that is designed to dis you and make you piss your pants. Like this song which is a bit sad but about killing people:

Vybz Kartel – Last Man Standing (zshare)

Here is the video for it. Looks like The Dirty Frenchman is not the only person living in “The Wire”. Vybz would be the guy making The Dirty Frenchman shit his pants:

This next song has a similar vibe to it. It’s Friday afternoon. You need to take it easy before you do lines of blow off a breast all weekend.

Vybz Kartel – Life Sweet (zshare)

Here is the video. Please direct your attention to the product placement of Vybz’s own condom brand called Daggerin. He is, first and foremost, an entrepreneur:

The idea to push this brand of condoms came to him after making this little song that none of you have probably heard anywhere for the last 8 months:

Vybz Kartel ft Spice – Ramping Shop (zshare)

Yup, that is the song you need to be listening to if you will be a line of blow off a breast tonight. Here is the video with bad lip syncing:

Let’s calm it down again for just a moment with this next song that is one of the official Walmer Convenience national anthems:

Vybz Kartel – Trailer Load of Money (zshare)

Here is the video that further proves that they need to be making a show called “The Wire: Portmore Edition” and have Vybz talking about Return of The Jedi:

You can see that Vybz has become very successful in that video and that he has millions and millions of Jamaican dollars. The next song does not have a video but it is one of The Dirty Frenchman’s favourites and he insisted that people be made to know it across the land:

Vybz Kartel – Let Fuck Be Free (zshare)

Whoever said that fuck should not be free is an asshole. What are they trying to accomplish? Who wins in a scenario where fuck costs money? Are we to be living in a prostitutocracy? Walmer Convenience will be deep in the cold, cold ground before that happens. That is a song that deserves a b-more remix if a song ever did. Let us provide you now with some Vybz over riddims from other songs that are sure to get a party started anytime, anywhere because they are better than the originals by a factor of 20:

Vybz Kartel vs Ray Charles – Gimme Punany (Gold Digger Riddim) (zshare)

Vybz Kartel – Stamma (Sexy Back Riddim) (zshare)

Oh yeah, this is the Vybz Kartel post of the century. Here is another video that is basically a commercial for Daggerin brand condoms:

Are they available in Canada? We wanna be out at the store with a girl and have to buy condoms and she grabs Trojan or Lifestyles and then we snatch the box out of her hand, put it back on the shelf and then grab Daggerin condoms and say “No, these ones are better”.

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If the girl were to ask why those condoms were better we would point out Vybz Kartel’s signature on the box. That is a seal of quality. You can trust a man who signs things “Vybz Kartel”.  However, that may not be enough. Luckily there is this available to win her over:

After that we are sure she would understand our choice. But which type to choose? Do we want to take it easy with Timeless? Or after a few bottles of vodka will it turn out to be a Ramp Rufff kinda night? We are pretty sure though that we would choose purple as the colour because that is a colour you want your dick to be.  It’s kinda like a choose your own Ramping Shop adventure. End Transmission.

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3 responses to “WHO IS THE VYBZ KARTEL?

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  1. Pingback: THE PRINCE ZIMBOO « WALMER CONVENIENCE

  2. Pingback: FUCK FI DI PUM PUM: THE OBSCURE VYBZ KARTEL STORY « WALMER CONVENIENCE

  3. Pingback: CARIBANA IS COMING! « WALMER CONVENIENCE

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